Lizard's Law

i'm on break..so get off my back

2010-04-14T12:31:00.003-05:00

so instead of just abandoning this blog i am writing to let all of you know (uh my 3 or so loyal readers) that i'm going to take a break. I AM pregnant ok so get off my back! i am just too damn tired to write anything. i am not one of those people who enjoys being pregnant...um, what's enjoyable about a bowling ball in your stomach exactly? yeah, i'm not sure. i pretty much hate everything about it except the occasional dr. visits where i can actually see the baby. so anyway i have enough problems right now without feeling like i need to constantly rip ramona (what the hell is up with RHONYC btw, OMG!). hopefully i will pick back up again, i just can't deal right now and i think it's a pretty good excuse. god, being pregnant does suck!! i especially love gaining and losing 40 lbs. and then doing it all over again, that's great. at least this will be the last time, i SWEAR!! how i envy you who have already had all your babies! it's not even the "having the baby" part that is so bad, it's just the 9 or so months prior--! oh, and i will go ahead and NOT have photos taken of my belly by the way.

in other news i have NOT been watching kate gosselin on dancing with the stars, i really just couldn't possibly stomach that right now. i am sure she looks like an idiot. i did catch the "pregnancy pact" on rerun on lifetime tho and i thought it was pretty good. well, that's all i have for now..smell u later. not forever, hopefully. xo.

the housewives and flags

2010-03-07T16:57:00.002-06:00

i'm sorry i haven't written anything lately, i have just been so tired! i have been able to watch plenty of reality TV tho, and i must say that the premiere of RHNY and finale of RHOC did not disappoint. anyway check out these flags, they are amazing. i'm a big fan of the pumpkin wearing a firefighter hat, too. i like how they are $25, too not including shipping. anyway RHOC went out with a bang thanks to alexa or alexis or whatever the F lynn's daughter's name is. she is definitely amazing. also i enjoyed tamra getting a divorce and moving into a condo. lastly, RHNY was amazing, they are so psychotic! i do like bethenny tho. i hate the countess, she is so annoying. also i was glad that the skinny one (alex?) who is married to the gay guy wasn't on it as much because she is super boring. anyway i am so excited it's getting a little warmer outside, thank the lord! it's getting up into the 40s here this week and soon to be 50s, i can't wait for the snow to melt. so that's about it!

competency

2010-02-11T17:32:00.003-06:00

hey why is kim kardashian in the news everyday?

anyway a while back i watched 'brace for impact' on TLC the sully sullenberger story about the pilot who landed that plane in the hudson 1 year ago in case u have been living under a rock. anyway it was pretty remarkable what he did after all those canadian geese flew into his plane. i think that like 9 out of 10 pilots would have definitely fucked the whole thing up and i was really impressed that he could save 150 people. he is what i would consider to be "highly competent." how many people (from your server at applebees to the customer service person at the 1-800#) do you encounter who are highly competent btw? i would say that most people (probably 6/10) i encounter are "grossly incompetent." maybe 3/10 are adequate and i guess about 1/10 would be competent. it seems like incompetence is really more like the standard with people. hopefully your doctor is competent, and your accountant though.

i did buy the people magazine with the duggars on the cover and was not impressed because it didn't really provide any new info. i like how this new 1 lb. baby has "ignited a firestorm" of controversy tho because they are saying they are still going to keep having babies. um, where was the controversy like 10 kids ago when they were all clearly completely fucked in the head? nothing has changed. i hate them. of course they are going to keep having babies. why wouldn't they? why wouldn't their first kiss be on their wedding day? of course, it all makes sense when u have an IQ of 80.

cake boss again

2010-02-02T12:39:00.004-06:00

so i have like every episode of cake boss from this season recorded but i definitely have not been watching them. anyway i saw that he did the cake for the 40th anniversary of sesame street and since sesame street is like such a huge part of my life right now i had to watch. i must say he did a pretty good job, i thought the cake looked a lot better than duff's would have just because the characters were life like and didn't look like duff's generic figures. also i'm sure that S.S. went to cake boss also because he's closer to NYC. the main guy made a huge cookie for cookie monster, too, which was good.

one thing i really enjoyed during cake boss were the ads for the duggars new 1 pound baby's birth, too. i mean, really. fucking stop, you are not a cow. maybe they will finally stop now that 1 of the kids is going to be completely fucked up. i mean this baby was born like WAY way too early, seriously it is going to have some massive problems if it can even survive. what a joke, why did they have to keep going? so they could keep the show "and counting" ?? it's so sick, that baby is so screwed in so many ways.

so what about this new movie dear, john? i'm just not sure because i like the guy and i liked step up. however, that chick was the star of mamma mia so it's like she's not OK at all. also i think her eyes are way too far apart on her head and she looks like a freak.

anyway is that the chick from will and grace dancing in the new "i can't believe it's not butter" ads or what? i can't tell. and why is luke wilson doing cell phone ads? it is sad or OK? no one really cared when catherine zeta jones did t-mobile so maybe it's not a step down, i don't know, it just seems a little weird.

i'm really sorry i missed the pregnancy pact on lifetime.

release the kraken

2010-01-22T13:57:00.003-06:00

i think that the new clash of the titans starring the dude from avatar and liam neeson looks really good. i also think liam neeson looks particularly cool in the trailer when he says "release the kraken." i think that's a phrase that i might have to adopt into my everyday vernacular. like, when they leave the sauce on your snack wrap at mcdonalds. "release the kraken."

there are a lot of lines from movies that i use all the time, i think i probably use more phrases from office space than from any other movie though. i like to say "i'm going to go ahead and ___" a lot. i also like to say "what do you DO?" which can refer to a lot of different people. there are a lot of people out there who have jobs where they do nothing. like, people who work at the post office, for example. 1 other phrase i use a lot is from the worst movie ever LXG aka the league of extraordinary gentlemen starring a 90 year old sean connery. there were many many good lines from that movie but i really have adopted the "i'm waiting to be impressed.." and it's useful in a lot of situations.

anyway, speaking of liam neeson, we did watch "taken" on netflix the other day mostly just because everything else in our queue is on a "very long wait." it was actually good, i recommend it! it's about this CIA special agent guy who is retired (liam neeson) and these freaks kidnap his daughter in france. he has to go get her and murder approximately 45 people in the process. my favorite part was when he was on the phone to the kidnapper briefly. he says something like "i don't have any $ and if you release her now i won't pursue you. BUT if you keep her, what i do have is a PARTICULAR SET OF SKILLS AND I WILL HUNT YOUR ASS FOREVER UNTIL I FIND YOU...you will not live etc etc" i don't think a lot of people could pull the role off, maybe denzel and russel crowe. anyway, it was good or at least i thought it was watchable.

ps. 1 last thing i'd like to give a shout out to leo who will be on the haiti telethon tonight on nbc and who has already donated 1 million to help out. he looked amazing in HD at the golden globes presenting to martin scorsese. i can't help but think all the other actors must be jealous since scorsese keeps casting him because he is clearly superior to all others. i think gisele really missed her shot there.

US weekly needs to stop

2010-01-13T14:57:00.004-06:00

US weekly really needs to stop pitting toddlers against eachother. i'm so sick of in the "who wore it best" section seeing violet affleck & suri cruise wearing the same juicy cardigan and apparently 57% thought violet wore it best. you know what, that is ridiculous. i've seen it a couple of times before but over half their page this issue is kids and i think it's out of control. let's give them a complex at age 3 about who looks best.

in other news, i'm going to retire the word "gay" from my blog because it's apparently "offensive" so i'm trying to find an appropriate word to describe the new bachelor "on the wings of love." lame is offensive to cripples, right, and "dumb" or "stupid" really just doesn't do it justice. fuck. i do know a good word for the bachelor tho--d-bag, for sure.

so we saw dance flick the other night. i don't really think i need to even say anything about that movie that you already couldn't have guessed.

we are going to elmo live on friday and we have ROW 1 SEAT 1 so that should be a good time.

1 other thing i wanted to mention is that i went to the mall of america last nite and i usually only go there at 10 AM so it was weird to be there at nite but anyway i am sick of the people at the carts who are selling crap like lotion or irons to straighten your hair or hair extensions...yelling at you as you walk by. um, excuse me but i thought this was minnesota not fucking tijuana. WTF is up with those people and why when you say "no thank you" do they feel the need to continue on? i guess they don't know the difference between stupid and smart people so they just treat everyone the same but, like, seriously? i hate those carts. also i prefer the mall in the AM and all the moms with their bugaboos as opposed to the creepy teenagers there at night..ick.

ps. i can't believe what NBC is doing to conan, that's so fucked up.

movies & tv 2

2010-01-11T20:06:00.007-06:00

so i know i have been MIA lately, i have just been so lazy i haven't been able to write anything. not that there hasn't been plenty to write about tho. between kate gosselin's new hair extensions and jersey shore, holy crap our country is really going down the tubes.

anyway..i'll start with xmas break. basically i just stuffed my face over xmas which was a huge mistake and saw shitloads of movies. we saw avatar which was really good, and sherlock holmes which was good and up in the air which was ok. i was so pumped to see the new leo trailers tho, especially for shutter island. god, it's going to be so good! and as my husband so astutely pointed out, we'll just wait until it comes out and then watch..all the critics will once again be like "oh, i guess leo can actually act." NO SHIT psychos.

then i was alone on new years because i was at my mom's house but my husband had to go home and actually work for a while. anyway i put my daughter to sleep at like 9 and then ended up flipping between ryan seacrest and jersey shore and thinking what the hell is my life coming to that i am watching jersey shore? like, i don't even understand what the fuck is with these people? they are so gross like i don't even get it? is that what people on the east coast are like or what? i don't even really like NY. and especially NJ. i think the only people i know from NJ are madonna and bon jovi right? ick!

in other news i think i saw the worst movie ever last night. do not see that sandra movie all about steve, ever. seriously, don't ever. the only redeeming quality was ken jeong who is so funny especially in the hangover which we saw in the theater but am patiently waiting for on netflix despite the "very long wait." fuck u netflix!

and now we are in the midst of another season of the bachelor..the largest gathering of whores on the planet, this new bachelor is such a tool. i feel like all the girls leave any remaining dignity they might have in the limo, it's so contrived..they all start talking about being his "co-pilot in life" from day 1. really. and there's always the complete psycho who starts like hyperventilating when they get cut..i love that.

also yesterday i was watching the end of the latest R.H.O.C. and vicki and don were renewing their vows in turks and caicos and my husband walks in and watched and said "vicki seems nice?" holy shit, i almost fell of the couch. all i could say was "she is the devil, you have no freaking clue what you are talking about."

the last thing i'm going to say is that i am starting season 2 of gossip girl and yes, it is actually good. so everyone was right and i was wrong and i admit that. i do the elliptical for 45 minutes everyday so i like to have a show that i can watch 1 episode of and this 1 is definitely good for that. i still think the O.C. was better but that's ok, both are good.

the new karate kid

2009-12-23T20:38:00.004-06:00

so they went ahead and remade my favorite movie of all time. this is going to be the shit! in other news i saw avatar and it was good. before avatar there were a lot of previews though and most of the movies looked like they would suck ass. especially that cameron diaz/tom cruise thing. ick! 1 movie that looked sweet though was robin hood starring russell crowe. you know, my brother said that he is "way too old to play robin hood." you know what though? russell crowe literally throws phones in peoples faces. he is super pimp and i think it will be awesome. merry xmas!

RHOC

2009-12-18T14:58:00.003-06:00

ok what in the hell is going on with the real housewives of OC? it is completely out of control. did u hear that michelle dugar had a 1 pound baby the other day BTW? she is so f-ed up. anyway about the housewives..there are so many issues..

1. first of all, have you noticed at the beginning of the episode that when vicki says "previously on the real housewives" she literally says "prevously." like, she can't even say the word previously. she leaves out an entire fucking syllable. also, p.s. vicki UR not skinny! stop with the short shorts!

2. tamara needs to stop saying that she keeps her friends close and her enemies closer. she is not even close to gretchen, she doesn't even know what the hell she is saying. i swear to god, each of these chicks has an IQ lower than the next one.

3. slade smiley. um, seriously? he is making pond scum jealous. EW!

4. lynn's husband? OMFG! is he a woman?

5. alexis? please stop saying that you don't travel apart from your husband. u sound like you're in a cult. also how long have you been together..like 20 minutes? 5 years, yeah, i know. that's like not that long tho really. real couples end up apart sometimes, that's life you freak.

6. i kind of like simon. he's a total a-hole i mean obviously but i love how he rips vicki and also tamara's loser son who is going to jail. i don't quite get what the "tequila" business is but i still like him. for a control freak.

bigtime letdowns

2009-12-17T15:27:00.004-06:00

1. sarah palin. enough said.

2. the davinci code movie. i couldn't even understand this piece of shit when it came out. all i know is that tom hanks does not look good with long hair.

3. anything by j.d salinger other than the catcher in the rye. has anyone actually read franny and zooey? don't pretend it's good.

4. new year's eve anywhere.

5. final episode of jon & kate--i just saw this the other nite. i like the close up of jon's misspelled sign (see above) set to slow music. gawd, maybe it's better that this show just die.

6. final episode of seinfeld. now i know i'm going old school here but this was like the biggest letdown ever, for being the best show ever that final episode really did suck.

7. borat. seriously? there were like 2 good jokes.

8. doorbusters. they rip u off. for real, there are no 'deals.' it's a bunch of shit that you DO NOT WANT and would not buy but you buy it because it's "half price." i do it too. it's really stupid.

9.madewell's website--you have to CALL to order? what is this, 1994? let me go ahead and get into my toyota "tercel" and "mapquest" a route to your store. oh wait, there isn't 1 in minnesota. hello madewell, join this century. who the hell has shit online that u can't order?

10. this blog. i know, i'm sorry!!

11. closing on a house. it looks like some great thing on HGTV where you sit with your realtor who is a tool and yet it's really lame and you just sit in some office and sign your life away. whatever!

12. diaper "pails" for babies. the shit *literally* still reeks. there is nothing that can mask that odor no matter what is promised! thank god i don't have to deal with that anymore.

more later.

squirrel round-up

2009-12-03T20:09:00.015-06:00

i have always been kind of into squirrels (and also owls) but it seems like they are all over the place now so i wanted to showcase some of the cooler ones.

jonathan adler candle holder $88, also in black. was never so into adler when he first started but can't deny that some of his stuff is pretty awesome.

boygirlparty hoodie $35. i have this in the t-shirt. runs really small.

fredflare notebook by sukie $24. i don't have this one but i have other sukie stuff, love it.

fawn&forest floor pillow on sale $88. would die for this!

ferdinand t-shirt $24. husband has the mens in oatmeal.
constantly gets comments on it. i love ferdinand.

chocosho brooch $22. cute.

etsy pouch on sale $5.50. so cheap!

alice&isa watch necklace on sale $33.99. adorable & functional.

shanalogic corporate portrait $12. this is sweet.

go squirrels!

2010 olympic mascots

2009-12-02T12:47:00.002-06:00

i die for the 2010 winter olympic mascots. so cute.

movies & tv

2009-11-24T20:31:00.003-06:00

hey hope everyone had a good thanksgiving. i did go to toys r us at midnite with a friend on black friday and it was quite an experience. there was a line of about 200 people trying to get in and cars circling the parking lot. i really didn't even buy that much, i was going to think about the ipod touch but they were pretty much gone stat. i thought i was going to get my ass beat a few times if i didn't get out of the way. it was fun to watch everyone.

so i just started re-watching the O.C. and i'd just like to remark on how good it is, again. it's one of those shows like friday night lights where it's just like so much better than all the others out there. and i would say that its first season (similar to LOST's first season) is really one of the best first seasons of any show out there. also i am starting gossip girl, i just watched the pilot and it's ok.

anyway i was reading people magazine and wondering on what planet john krasinski is 1 of the sexiest men alive. what the hell? also regarding johnny depp, i think he is is either like really attractive or looks like he is homeless or maybe both.

also i need to comment that the asian guy ken jeong from community and the hangover (did u know he is a real life doctor btw?) is really funny. i just saw him in the goods which is like the worst movie, ever. but he was really good in it.

so i also saw new moon over the weekend. i didn't think it was that bad. i know it got like a really bad review on rotten tomatoes and i mentioned earlier how much i hate kristen stewart, but i really actually thought it was better than twilight. dakota fanning looks and acts like an idiot in it, though. other than that i thought it was ok. i also didn't think it was that long. i hate long movies and i almost died in benjamin button but the length of new moon didn't bother me that much. in other movie news i am pissed that i hear will smith's son is starring in the remake of the karate kid, my favorite movie ever. whatever!

paul blart

2009-11-22T07:59:00.005-06:00

so we went ahead and watched paul blart, mall cop last nite. if u have TIVO it's free to get some really shitty netflix streamed on demand so we figured what the hell. it was weird. i do love kevin james & 4 a really lame sitcom, king of queens isn't bad, but i'm not sure i would really recommend paul blart. i did genuinely laugh sometimes but a lot of times, as my husband pointed out, it seemed like he was doing a john candy impression. i really like malls so it was fun to have an entire movie set in a mall and the redhead psychopath from glee was in it too. i felt like the movie got weirder and weirder by the end though. the mall was taken over by a gang on skateboards doing acrobatics and stuff so that was strange. as my husband also pointed out, it was a lot like a foreign movie that was taking elements of american culture but not quite getting it right. anyway they ended up in the rainforest cafe which was cool because we actually go there in the mall of america. it's like the most overpriced shittiest food but for some reason we continue to go. actually the lettuce wraps aren't that bad but...anyway.

in other news i have been catching up with the real housewives of OC and let me just say what the fuck is wrong with those people? i swear to god they are like the worst. tamara is just heinous and now jeanna is dropping out so they have brought on some new freak who is just as weird as the rest. i used to like gretchen but slade is just gross so i'm on the fence about her. why is slade dating all of the housewives? and did you see his arms? he must work out 24-7. god they are all awful. they make RHNY look good. i mean at least bethenny like has a career and is sort of normal. *sigh*

so anyway happy TURKEY DAY to everyone..don't u hate when people say that?

zombie pirates and stuff

2009-11-19T19:06:00.004-06:00

sometimes i feel like in my shopping experiences i just keep re-living that scene in best in show where parker posey and her husband lose their dog's prized "busy bee" toy. u know so they are at the show and like totally need the toy to motivate the dog so one of them frantically goes into some dog store and asks the clerk if he sells the busy bee. the clerk ends up pausing and then bringing out a fish that is black and yellow striped and saying "this is kind of like a bee?" yeah.

so i was in toys-r-us tonight checking out the playmobil pirate sets which are 25% off this week and i really liked some of the zombie pirates but i didn't know if they were 25% off or they were in some other category. so i asked this dude who works there and he just started looking at all of the boxes and paused and said "yeah these pirate sets are 25% off." so i'm like "no, i want to know specifically if the zombies are included or not. take this box up to the front, scan it and come back and tell me because if this zombie is 25% off then all the other pirate zombies are too." so he leaves and comes back and says "yes the purple ones are 25% off too." um, they are GREEN and not purple u idiot but ok that's good news for me anyway. yeah. i mean it's not like expect competence when someone is being paid minimum wage but i do expect an answer to a direct question. it's not like i would yell at mcdonalds when they fuck up the order--it's mcdonalds, that is what they do. but i just don't expect them to try to change the subject or answer a completely different question than the one i asked!

so anyway i have a lot in common with parker posey's character in that movie considering she also reads j.crew magazines constantly. and that's probably not a good thing. also in case u were wondering why i am buying a 2 year old girl zombie pirates it's because they are cool and she's not going to be some priss when she grows up, that's why.

stephanie tanner

2009-11-15T20:29:00.002-06:00

one book i am not looking forward to reading is unSweetined by stephanie tanner. although i admit that i have already taught my 2 year old to say "how rude!" i think that stephanie tanner is an idiot and who in the hell would want to read her book about being on crack or whatever. i love how all these people who are fortunate enough to get on these shows and make a crap load then go whine about it later because they blew all their $$ and got addicted 2 drugs. duh!

1 other thing. here's a funny & real conversation:

*watching HGTV*

husband: "why are all these shows on HGTV taped in canada?"
me: "cause it's cheaper in canada."
husband: "why is it cheaper in canada?"
me: "probably because canada sucks."
husband: "you are retarded."

kristen stewart and doll houses

2009-11-12T20:16:00.010-06:00

hey so i watched adventureland the other day and it wasn't super good. is it just me or does kristen stewart look like she has about 3 STDs and basically ruined twilight? yeah i would say she is not that great and i'm betting she sucks in new moon. r.pattz is a different story, tho. anyway ryan reynolds was in adventureland at least and he is awesome..i LOVE just friends. that is like the BEST movie. anyway i wanted to say that my daughter has some awesome toys, i really like her doll house check it out.

there are some pets.

chillaxing in the living room with the flat screen.

baby with the mobile and pillow--uh oh, SIDS!

taking a bath with her clothes on. um this chick looks like one of the manson girls.

this house is like nicer than ours.

happy birthday

2009-11-11T10:26:00.003-06:00

happy birthday today to my friend amanda. also to leo dicaprio, i love you leo! ur the best actor, ever and i don't give a shit what anyone says! the beach wasn't too hot but ur great and i even saw that russell crowe movie u were in and it wasn't bad and i am really looking forward to that scorcese movie shutter island i am sure it will be great if ur in it. titanic was amazing and you got so screwed on the oscars last year revolutionary road did suck ass but u were good in it and u should have already gotten one for gilbert grape. one other thing i really like about u is how you obviously stuff your face in between roles because i see you at the laker games and you look like ur homeless and fat with a beard but then u totally beef up for your roles and look amazing. so that's cool. happy birthday!

it's always sunny

2009-11-10T14:50:00.004-06:00

i would like to talk just for a moment about it's always sunny in philadephia. i just need to comment about it because it's the weirdest show i have ever seen but sometimes i end up crying because i am laughing so hard. it's so gross and offensive and sometimes it's not very good but the highs in it are really freaking high and i think danny devito is a downright comic genuis. it's so beyond weird i can't even really describe it but, like, you should check it out sometime just to see what i am talking about. it's these 2 guys who own a bar in phildelphia and then there's this blonde chick who is really funny named "dee" and this other janitor named charlie who is like border-line retarded. in the one i just watched they set charlie up on an online date and told him to tell the girl he was a "philanthropist" and he couldn't get it right so he ended up saying "i am a full on rapist." she was like um, excuse me? also he says his favorite food is "milksteak." that is the kind of shit they do on the show, like just the weirdest shit and they are all really gross. and charlie always wears this shirt. someone must be watching this other than me because it's in like it's seventh season or something though? anyway just check it out sometime and let me know what u think because it's totally nuts.

more h1n1 and other stuff

2009-11-04T12:42:00.004-06:00

hello i have so many things to talk about i'm not really sure where to begin.

let's begin with the fact that K is wearing hello kitty underwear this week--very exciting, i think we are well on our way to being accident-free! what a relief, diapers are such a drag and so expensive.

second i think i ate my weight in halloween candy--yuck! i have such an addiction to sugar it's scary. i have been reading bethenny's book from R.H.N.Y. about being naturally thin. she talks a lot about the way everyone in europe is thin and about how different the mentality is there. i mean, they don't diet and they don't eat diet food but they just eat reasonable portions of good food. were it that easy. what if 1 candy corn isn't enough, what if it's either 100 or 0? that's my problem. it must be 0. i'm really glad that i hate all thanksgiving food though, at least that's not going 2b an issue.

third, in the spirit of furniture shopping, what is the consensus on the eames lounge chair? ridiculously overpriced or amazingly comfortable investment which doubles as art? i'm thinking it's more like the latter. and FYI to all my DC readers (that's you LL) room & board is coming to DC!

lastly i know this is offensive or whatever but i just need to vent for a minute on the anti-vaccine crowd. it's really coming to a head here with the h1n1 vaccine backlash and i talked to 1 mom yesterday who said she didn't want to get her daughter vaccinated because of the mercury. seriously, folks? the equivalent of a tuna fish sandwich is preventing u from sparing your daughter from h1n1? also i talked to another person who swears that there is a video on utube of a person getting a regular flu shot and then only being able to walk backwards afterward. ok, like i can't even deal with all of this nonsense anymore.

still enjoying community btw, it's really freakin good!

design sponge etc.

2009-10-27T20:40:00.004-05:00

i've been thinking a lot about furniture and design and home shit recently because we are thinking about doing our living room and fireplace..anyway i just wanted to mention this design website that is amazing, it has a ton of crap and one of the features it has is "living in" some movie for example dirty dancing which i love. it picks out stuff that would fit in with the movie and it's really cool. they also do edward scissorhands and some other cool movies. not quite sure why they'd choose mamma mia, however, though because it's like the worst movie ever made but whatever.

on another note, my husband is in las vegas tonight for business and just called to tell me he is going to cirque du soleil. he doesn't want to go. neither would i. is it just me or is cirque du soleil just the gayest thing ever invented next to the billy joel/elton john concert? i totally have no desire to go at all. last time i was in vegas i went to the "rat pack is back" which was really sort of disturbing. the frank and dean were old and appeared to be drunk and then these totally trashy chicks were flirting with them and it was sick. also when they were finished one of the rat pack members shouted "support the troops everybody!" we were like WTH?

speaking of the troops tho, and 9.11 i just want to mention that, for the record, i cried with laughter at NBC's community last week. seriously. last time i cried from laughing at TV was watching it's always sunny in philadelphia which is like the funniest but most whacked out show. anyway if you are not watching community UR missing out. big time. and yes i know modern family is good too and so is glee. and i can't hardly wait for RHOC. and i am enjoying the hills and the city sort of. it has been a long time since there have been so many good network comedies. last one i can remember is 30rock and before that it was seinfeld and before that it was full house. good work everybody!

h1n1 and the daily plate

2009-10-22T08:12:00.004-05:00

so everyone is having a shit fit over the H1N1 vaccine and i got K in for the nasal spray mist today. i had to call before the office opened and then we ended up having to go to another location. i think these pediatrician offices are getting like different quantities of shipments everyday. who knows when the shot will even be in. people are shitting bricks over it, especially people who are preggers or with little babies. i will be glad if i can spare K from getting it, it sucks.

why is jenna bush a today show correspondent btw? she is such a toad.

in other news i am excited for halloween although not for the candy. between the state fair and my 'birthday' dinner which consisted of lemon chicken penne, popovers, french onion soup and a brownie sundae (vomits) i need to get back on the diet train in a major way. i started the daily plate at livestrong.com so i'm going to try it for a while and see how it goes. all i know about lance armstrong is that he survived multiple cancers and he hangs out with owen wilson and matthew mcconaughey (who i hate--ew! he is so ugly and his hair is gross why does he get all these romantic lead roles?) but his website has a pretty good calorie counter where you can enter your daily exercise and foods and it will tell u how UR doing.

that's all 4 now!

DQ rules

2009-10-18T19:23:00.002-05:00

i really like DQ and it's H.Q. are here in mpls. i keep trying to get my husband to apply for a job in corporate there. if i could get free girl scout cookie blizzards that would be the bomb! i really like the PB parfaits too, i think those are my favorite. everything is good there (minus the non-dessert food!). xo DQ!

jebus

2009-10-15T20:48:00.004-05:00

not that there's anything wrong with those who believe in jesus (hereinafter "jebus" as referred to by homer simpson) or the "god squad" as i like to call them...it's just a little weird being here in minnesota. um, like every single block has a lutheran church and everyone goes to church..and when i say everyone i mean like we are the only people in the state who do not, i think. for example, we just got some more photos taken of K by our favorite photographer here in minneapolis who is the bomb. she's smart and cool and pretty and takes the most amazing pictures and has been hired by companies and magazines and all sorts of places...anyway i went to her facebook page today and i saw that she was a fan of "fireproof." i mean, seriously? i know i have talked about this before so i won't drone on about it but..like..kirk cameron is like seriously fucking mental. fo shizzle there is no doubt, i suffered thru seeing him on an episode of the duggars once. like what is up with this cool chick being a fan of that movie?? i don't know i mean like we aren't exactly anti-christ..we got married in a church and we even had our baby baptized and everything but like what is up with everyone being god squad? i know like there is a girl at my husband's work who seemed cool and stuff and then he said her blog was all about her helping children in some shithole with her church group. NOT that there is anything wrong with that AT ALL but it's just like u think u know someone and then BAM u find out they are super into jebus and it's like...i don't know if i can relate to that.. my husband and i have discussed it many times because our child will be a total freak if we don't take her to sunday school but like..tell me how in the world would we want to give up .25% of the weekend to go to church? sunday morning is such a great time. anyway i'm sorry if i have offended jebus but, you know.

what i want right now

2009-10-12T18:31:00.012-05:00

this pancake ring is cool. if i were 12.

i'm still in need of this wreath but thinking it might go on sale after halloween. i can probably wait.

so we are looking for some new furniture and we went to room & board this weekend...holy shit it's the bomb and i LOVE this one!

dear skirt, where have you been all my life??! why are you sold out in every size??

i want this for K right now! LUV it!

i love this jacket! again, why is it sold out?
more to come!!

duggars v. gosselins

2009-10-09T13:34:00.003-05:00

so the duggars welcomed their first granddaughter today and her name is "mackynzie renee duggar." first of all, nice name. second, OF COURSE she was born with a midwife and doula assisting in the birth. i'm sure they don't believe in doctors. *vomits* anyway earlier i was reading this great article on why the duggars are still worse than the gosselins..here is an excerpt:

"13. The Duggars are worse parents than the Gosselins! Just watch Michelle Duggar stumble over the names of her kids on The View. What's the problem, ma'am? Too busy raising apparently well-adjusted children to bother to learn their names? Ever hear of getting away by yourself to do a book tour? Or a weekend pool party in Vegas? That's how Kate and Jon Gosselin stay focused. Try it sometime.

17. The Duggars are worse for the economy than the Gosselins! Actually, the Gosselins have been great for the economy—their trashed lives turn pages, sell magazines and, until recently, score record ratings for Jon & Kate Plus 8. All the Duggars do is live quietly on their TLC show, the that'll-need-to-be-retitled 18 Kids and Counting, and pop up in the mainstream media every nine months with a new baby. Would it kill Jim Bob to get an earring and a 20-year-old girlfriend? "

the duggars are totally worse than the gosselins, agreed!

jon gets schooled by nancy grace

2009-10-06T13:30:00.002-05:00

ok look i'll be the first one to admit that nancy grace is mentally ill. not that anyone cares or even remembers but i am pretty sure she came out against the duke lacrosse team right away even tho they were totally innocent. there is no doubt, she CRAZY. however, this clip still cracks me up..how pissed jon gets about nothing. oh, the drama of it all!

jon & kate drama

2009-10-05T12:41:00.003-05:00

OMFG this jon & kate thing is so out of control i can hardly stand it. she is on the TODAY show like every other day! i saw her today being interviewed by meredith viera and apparently jon has taken like $200k out of their joint bank account. also TLC has stopped filming. kate said that jon DOES have the power to stop the show because they are his kids and also because TLC said that if 1 parent wanted it stopped then they would. i'm not sure if he can stop it legally, tho. i'm betting he already signed a release etc. i guess we'll have to wait and see. kate is in the works for her own TLC show tho, so that might work out. she said that the family is totally dependent on the show income. also the family gets a lot of benefits that they wouldn't otherwise have, of course we know this is true because on every show they are on vacation doing some randomly expensive thing that they get for free. basically kate said that jon's argument that he doesn't want the "divorce" on tv is BS because he's basically off the show now so there wouldn't be anything about the divorce. that is probably true. i'm not sure what to think. kate is such a lunatic beotch but it's almost hard not to feel sorry for her just because jon is such a d-bag. and it's very clear that he wants the kids off the show to 1. punish kate and 2. because he was kicked off. i mean this crap he said on larry king about "for the kids" is the dumbest thing ever. did he move to NY with hailey glassman "for the kids" ?? what an idiot. i hope that he doesn't stop the show. i think the show is so boring but at least i want the option to watch, i don't want HIM to make that choice for me! go kate..we all know you're a beotch but, whatever.

babar again!

2009-10-01T20:32:00.002-05:00

so i'm not the only 1 who thinks babar is cool around here (reference 8/21/2009 post). apparently so does suri cruise. anyway..enough about that..what about the new season of the hills? kristin is such a freakshow and i can't believe stacy has joined the cast? what in the WORLD does anyone see in justin bobby i would love to know. also i think brody's gf jade is a real freak as well. it seems at least interesting, tho, will keep watching.

jon gosselin

2009-10-01T14:41:00.002-05:00

OMG correct me if i am wrong but "penalty" is spelled wrong, no? also isn't his name "jonathan" ?? who spells their name johnathon" ?? WTH is going on with this sign?

dustin diamond

2009-09-29T20:08:00.002-05:00

so i was reading the new US weekly and there is an article in there about screech's new book "behind the bell" which he says is "for the fans." i just want to say that i think he is a complete jackass and a liar. first of all he says that he wrote the book because he was watching the E true hollywood story and that it didn't get stuff right. apparently the book is a "scathing tell-all" and talks shit about the other cast members. he says that mario lopez screwed everyone and they all did drugs and how kelly screwed guys (like david silver) to further her career, etc. anyway screech is the only 1 who hasn't been able to get a job post-show and has filed 4 bankruptcy and has his own sex tape. COME ON like he is not writing this for money?? i mean i am sure there are some things in it that are based on semi-truths but it's like seriously the whole cast hates him and he is a fucking freak and i think kelly was right when she said "i feel sad for him." what an idiot! and the rest of the cast should totally do a reunion without him. the facts of life reunion was good, this would be too!

also i can't not write about jon & kate's new news..so is jon completely off the show or is he just playing a limited role? whatever, he is such a d-bag and ads nothing to the show anyway. will be interesting to see. it's just so god awful boring, i don't think kicking him off is really going to do much but we will see.

magazines!

2009-09-23T12:35:00.004-05:00

so i get an assload of magazines. and, when i say assload i mean it. there is almost nothing i love more than reading magazines. let's talk about the ones i get.

first there is the mandatory us weekly. it's kind of expensive and it comes pretty often but it's really great and i especially like that they have lots of stuff about clothes and makeup in addition to just news about celebrities. us weekly is where i get most of my jon & kate info. also i would say that us weekly is pretty accurate most of the time and tries a lot harder than say intouch.

next i get instyle. it's pretty much full of a lot of ads (tho not as bad as say vogue) but it's pretty good. lots of the clothes and stuff tend to fall on the more expensive side tho.

i get lucky and have gotten it ever since it started. i like it a lot tho i could do without the stickers. i mean who the hell is going to sit thru and mark their magazine with stickers like a 5 year old? lucky is nice because it's dirt cheap too, like $12 a year or something.

this year i started marie claire. i picked it up in a bookstore 1 day and really enjoyed it so i thought i would try it. 1 good thing about it is that they do some more substantial stories about real issues which is nice since i don't read a paper. so far i like it.

i also get real simple. this is a new one for me and so far I LOVE IT! holy crap they have a ton of good ideas for decorating and home stuff. i feel like there is some thought put into this magazine and they don't just put whatever shit out there.

for some reason i am still getting cookie and i don't know why. i don't really like it. i hate jenny mccarthy and they had her on the cover recently. i think kids are literally getting whooping cough now because of her anti-vaccination crusade. no offense but anyone who listens to jenny mcarthy for medical advice needs to have her head examined. talk to your fucking dr. people. also i hate cookie because they feature $300 sweaters for kids. it's like a kids fashion magazine. i'm going to go ahead and not buy K a $300 sweater ok? thanks.

i also get midwest living which is out of des moines and minnesota monthly. these are helpful to me because they have great ideas about crap to around town. sometimes they'll have like a "best burgers" article or something and i pour over it to find out where to eat. i also get sunset which i really like but is all about california. i'm not so big on the gardening aspect of it but i like the stuff about stuff to do in the bay area.

lastly i get cooking light. i don't usually cook "light" so i dunno why i get it but i do. one thing i don't like about it is that the recipes take like 5 hours to make. they are really involved compared to say recipes in midwest living.

i'm not counting the magazines my husband gets here and i am sure i am forgetting some others i get too but that is all i can remember right now. i really love magazines.

halloween

2009-09-21T18:57:00.006-05:00

halloween rules and there are so many cool decorations out there, i am having a hard time not buying them all. check out this card wreath from williams sonoma, it's super cute.

pottery barn also has a lot of cool stuff. i'm excited for halloween. i think i may make K be raggedy ann again. her costume was pretty awesome and pretty big last year so i'm sure it still fits. people say that i am a bad parent if she has to be the same thing 2 years in a row but WTF like who gives a shit? i'm sure she really remembers what she was when she was 1, hello. note that is NOT her in the picture by the way, that is some other freak kid in what appears to be black hightops even though raggedy wears mary janes. whatever!

so in other news i did catch the "community" premiere on NBC and it was good. also "glee" on FOX has been delivering too and it's really good. i'm still watching jon & kate but it's really boring. i wish the RH of OC would come back on, i miss that a lot. i'm thinking about getting "the wire" off netflix sometime, i wonder if that's good? that's all!

17 again etc.

2009-09-15T20:24:00.002-05:00

i'd just like to say who cares if obama said kanye was a jackass? isn't that what everyone said? i mean seriously, like who cares. and, he was. i mean isn't that true? jesus, like obama's never allowed to say anything like he is some freaking droid robot?

i checked out a few clips of kate gosselin on the view i thought her hair looked a lot better than usual. she seemed pretty good on the show in terms of answering questions honestly. god, joy behar is such a freak i can't believe she is even still on that damn show. i don't know about the view. i watch TODAY like every day and i would never watch something over al roker and matt lauer but the view is pretty funny sometimes.

we went to the renaissance festival this weekend. we just decided to go because we are trying to do as much stuff outside as possible before it gets cold and we have to shoot ourselves. the festival was really fun and they had so much stuff for kids. they had elephants and camels and K got her first pony ride which was fun. i totally wanted to watch the medieval comedy but you can't exactly do that with a 2 year old. it was hard to tell who worked there and who was just in costume. also it was "pet fest" weekend so there were a lot of dogs and some were actually in costume with horns and stuff. pretty cool. i was just glad we got there ass early (we have to because K takes a nap at 2 PM) so we sort of beat all the crowds. by the time we left the parking lot was insane, like thousands of cars. crazy. the only thing i wasn't super hot on was that there was a LOT of exposed skin and it wasn't really the good kind.

i think we will probably be doing an assload of apple orchards coming up. they have so many here. they are so awesome with scarecrows and apple pie and hayrides and pumpkins and apple cider and goats and stuff running around. can't wait for that.

last thing i want to mention is that i did check out the movie 17 again and i would say it was really not very good. i did see matthew perry twice when i lived in L.A. and he didn't look good then and he really didn't look good in this movie either. also i think it ripped HSM too because it was zac efron like dancing and playing basketball again. i really really am a big fan of the whole freaky friday genre (including those movies with kirk cameron before he went crazy and fred savage before he went to stanford) but this one really wasn't too hot. so, don't worry if you missed it.

OMG this is so gay!

2009-09-14T19:30:00.002-05:00

OMG this is so gay!

9/11, TIVO

2009-09-11T14:38:00.003-05:00

today the bank has "success is an inside job" on their marquee. great, i'll be sure to remember that.

so today is 9/11. i remember on the actual 9/11 i was living right by the la brea tar pits in L.A. and my friend M was living in georgia and he called me a few times that morning like ass early because of the time difference and said "kamikazes are bombing the world trade center, holy shit!" and i remember hearing it on the answering machine and thinking "WTF i am tired" and i went back to sleep. that day was so weird. i called my law school because i was supposed to have a job interview that morning and the school said "they have not been cancelled" and so i actually went to the interview. it was so fucked. who goes to a job interview that morning? anyway i did not get that job. i don't think i would want a job at a place where they didn't cancel their interviews on 9/11, anyway.

1 thing i must mention is how much i hate it when magazines feature clothes and then when you actually go to buy those clothes they are sold out. i know it's not the magazine's fault but COME ON! i remember like a while back katie holmes wore this white beanie from hurley and it was so cute and like of course sold out everywhere. so annoying! recently i tried to buy this tunic from nine west and of course it's totally sold out and they only have the color i don't want and only in a size i don't want. i don't even own anything from nine west minus a few shoes from like 7 years ago, but i did think this was cute and worth trying. sometimes i feel like i get into such a rut where i basically won't buy anything unless it's from nordstrom or j.crew so it's nice to try something different occasionally. as long as it's not too gay. for example, i would never in a million years buy ralph lauren but then i saw where they have this thing where you can actually make your own rugby shirts and that actually might be cool.

so that's about all for now. i am looking forward to new shows starting this fall. i am hoping little people, big world is coming back. i already recorded the premiere of glee and am looking forward to that. also i think i'll probably check out community on nbc and of course 30 rock. i'm on the fence about the office so we'll see. i could about vomit jim and pam. also i was thinking cougar town might be good too.....WAIT, just kidding. there sure are a lot of nurse shows on now aren't there? like nurse jackie and hawthore and all that stuff? i watch legal dramas, NOT medical dramas so i won't be watching them but it's an interesting phenomenon. i am really glad we just ordered an external hard drive for our TIVO because we will be needing it!

zoos and more!

2009-09-06T20:19:00.005-05:00

we went to the zoo today, it was awesome. there are 2 great zoos in the twin cities, one is huge and amazing and we are members there and then the other one is pretty cool but smaller and it's free to get in. we went to the smaller one today. neither zoo has elephants which is a major bummer, but the big one has so much shit it's unbelievable. it even has sharks! when you get to the zoo right when it opens it's so fun and relaxing because there aren't too many crowds, i think that's the best time to go. also the animals are way more active in the morning.

so in other news, i was looking at this photographer's blog where she took some pictures of my friend's newborn and i really liked the photos of my friend, the baby is cute. i think most newborns are hideous and look like old men with wrinkles. i know you can't usually see it when it's your baby, but most are ugly. anyway hers is not but what i wanted to talk about was some of the other photos on the site. there were a lot of ones where there were these pregnant women (like really pregnant, maybe like 8 months at least) and they were standing around draped in sheer fabric and stuff with their guts hanging out. also there were some with their other kids kissing their bellies. let me be clear: please shoot me in the head if i ever pose pregnant with my kid kissing my belly. thanks.

lastly i have been meaning to talk about this for some time..there is this local bank near where we live and they change the lettering beneath the sign like every day. you know, like how gas stations can write like the prices of gas and stuff? well in the midwest like every business has a sign where they can arrange the letters underneath it, it's really weird. anyway the point of this is that i hate this bank. this bank writes an inspirational message like every day and i just drive by it and i have to read the message and seriously like each day this bank out gays itself. like the other day said "if you throw dirt you lose ground." i'll keep you posted on some of the good ones, they are really really gay.

the fair and food network stars

2009-09-04T15:42:00.003-05:00

so we went to the state fair today and we grubbed down! we had a belgian waffle on a stick, cheese curds, a fried twinkie, mini donuts, corndogs, fresh-squeezed lemonade, cotton candy (my favorite) and hamburgers. we restrained ourselves from getting the "bucket" of cookies. diet starts tomorrow!

speaking of food, who do you think is the best star on the food network? i like bobby flay a lot and i like the show throwdown but i am starting to think maybe guy fieri is the best star on that channel. diners, drive-ins and dives is a pretty sweet show and he seems pretty cool. also i think he works really hard. one thing i don't like, though, is how he wears his sunglasses on the back of his head. other than that though i would say he might be the best one. i hate giada and she acts so whorish. then there's paula deen who is insane. i think she would be ok except for her 2 sons who are total parasites off of her. i like her husband who is like 500 pounds and mumbles about donuts. that dude is going to die soon. i should talk though, the mini donuts we had at the fair were awesome. duff is a freak, he is nowhere near the best one. i almost forgot i like the neelys too and especially because a lot of it is about BBQ which is so good. who else is there? i don't like tyler florence that much because he thinks he is hot. so i guess i would say i like guy and bobby the best for now.

duggars again

2009-09-01T12:36:00.003-05:00

*vomits*. the duggars are having another baby. seriously, it's not funny. this has become a mental illness and needs to be stopped. can we have the dept. of social services go in and sterilize her or what? she is not going to stop until either she can't get pregnant or maybe after a kid with down's syndrome. that stopped sarah palin. the duggars are like the worst right?

speaking of sarah palin, is levi now on dancing with the stars or what? i think he should be. i do see that tom delay is on it, though. i remember they tried to get cindy mccain and she was like "oh F no." tom delay looks like an ass on it, why do these people do these things? it's so stupid. i get kelly osbourne who has no talent and no prospects for anything...people like her just try to go from one reality show to another *coughs..omarosa* but tom delay, come on? and don't his eyes look really weird? what is going on there?

so i finally caught up with last week's jon & kate and let me tell you it was boring. the boys went on a ship or something and basically mady and cara acted like idiots and that was the end of it. i did read the latest people magazine article though where kate said she thinks jon has been abducted by aliens and that she feels like she is divorcing a 15 year old. i can see that. i wish the show would just focus more on them talking shit about eachother. that's way more interesting.

happy labor day!

reese's puffs

2009-08-30T15:14:00.008-05:00

reese's puffs are *amazing* but totally look like dog food! (click on the picture to get a really good look). but really what of reese's isn't good? i believe reese's pieces are the best candy ever. and not just because of E.T! i also like the reese's puffs jingle, "eat 'em up eat 'em up." also check out my klip-it cereal containers. they are sweet because they keep your cereal fresh and safe from any unwanted visitors like bugs. not that you have tons of bugs in your house because that's sick, but you know what i mean.

why i'm going to hell..

2009-08-29T13:39:00.005-05:00

not to be a playa hater, but was the flag at perkins really half mast for teddy kennedy? i realize he did a lot of shit in the senate especially with health care and that he was in there for a million years, but when i interned in D.C. 1996 i swear he looked like a corpse then, it is crazy he has lasted this long, really with the amount he ate and drank. it's cool that he supported obama when not a lot of people were and i do get that his brothers were awesome. however, that said, i mean he was the screw up of the family and he basically was handed a senate seat. so, we are all congratulating him for not completely fucking up his seat, i guess. also he did kill that chick in the river, too, so that's great. i know, i know, he redeemed himself. still.

in the spirit of being completely offensive, i also have to talk for just a bit about the chick that was just found after 18 years. apparently she was kidnapped at age 11 and she has just emerged now 18 years later after being held in this freak's backyard. ok, that majorly sucks. i get it. i just have to put this out there though: how the fuck do you not escape after 18 years? literally people escaped from alcatraz in less time. and, that's an island. i mean i realize that this dude was probably focusing on her 24-7 but surely he must have had to go buy groceries or something. i mean how do you not get the fuck out of there at some point? seriously? jump the fence, steal a cell phone. come on. i realize she was 11 which is really young and there's that whole stockholm syndrome thing, but i just wonder.

i know, i'm totally going to hell. especially because i saw this old lady pull into the handicap spot at target today and i didn't see a sticker or anything on her car so i was like "WTF? why RU parking there?" and then later i saw her in target and she was wearing braces on her legs. yeah, i guess she did deserve that spot after all. shit!

HGTV and halloween

2009-08-26T20:17:00.007-05:00

we did get our TIVO up and running so life is back to normal thank god now i can finally watch the rachel zoe project. also one show i have been majorly checking out is real estate intervention on HGTV and it's totally good. i'm probably a lot more interested in it because we recently bought a house, but i think it's totally hilarious. basically it's this total mack real estate agent who comes in and tells these d-bags "hey you moron, your house is worth a lot less than it's listed for." no shit, the economy sucks. people are so freaking stupid, i can't even believe some of the shit that they say! i think people are totally delusional when it comes to selling their home. we bought our house in march and paid $40K under the original asking price. i mean, seriously, it's the economy folks. people think because they paid a certain amount tor they put $$ into it then that's what they should get and their house sits on the market for 9 months and they don't know why. anyway, i like the star of the show and i like the show.

one other thing i wanted to mention is how excited i am for halloween. not the winter which follows halloween, but just the fall. i love the decorations and activities and food and everything about the fall and about halloween. too bad 1/2 the country will have swine flu at that point (holy shit, did you see what the CDC is predicting?). i'm glad i already had that shit! or, at least i think i did. and hopefully everyone can get it together and get those vaccinations out STAT! otherwise it looks like it's going to majorly suck ass for everyone! i think K will go as raggedy ann again this year. i'm pretty sure the costume will fit and i don't give a shit if she was already that last year because it's a cool costume.

so the renaissance festival is also here and going strong in MN. i would like to go and make fun of them but it's like i think it would actually be fun and i bet they have some good food and also couldn't they just be like: "um, you're here." it would be hard to make fun of it if you actually paid admission, right? i think i might wait and go next year. seems like my 2 year old would be a little young for it still. anyway, that's about all for now!

ps. 1 more thing i forgot. i was flipping thru channels last week and i saw the end of a hallmark movie which starred alicia silverstone and she was sick and dying and she had a son or something. in one way i felt sorry for her because she used to be so cute and such a star and i really think clueless was 1 of the most amazing movies ever and look at her, now she is doing hallmark movies! but on the other hand i guess i don't feel sorry for her because it's like she's still getting work so that's better than tons of other actors, right? so good for her! kind of.

books!

2009-08-21T20:21:00.004-05:00

so i've been reading a bunch of books lately. a while back i read:

tim gunn's guide to style and it was really good and helpful which is partly why i thought i might check out project runway.

recently i also read how not to die by dr. g who is apparently like this big medical examiner on a discovery health show which i have never seen. i would say that her book was good and i would like to check out the show. she talks a lot about the people she has autopsied and about how some of the stuff was totally preventable and about how you can do little things to prevent accidents.

right now i just started pride and prejudice and zombies and also the scarecrow which is michael connelly's latest. i have read almost every michael connelly book so i hope this one will be good. he is actually coming to a bookstore in st. paul in a few months and i am thinking about checking it out. the zombie book is also good so far but i think you probably have to be a person who is pretty familiar with pride and prejudice (i am) in order to think it's funny. 1 thing i thought was cool on the book jacket was that the author was described as "having taken an english class in L.A. once" or something like that. i see that there is also a new one coming out about sense and sensibility and sea monsters or something. maybe this whole concept is getting a little bit carried away.

lastly i just picked up the girl with the dragon tattoo at barnes and noble because it was a huge bestseller and the new one just came out so i thought i should try the original first and see if it's good. i have high hopes.

finally i don't know if anyone even gives a shit or what but i'd just like to point out that other than goodnight, moon, i really think some of the best children's books out there are the kevin henkes ones. the dude is really a complete mack and i would say that if you are ever looking for a present for a kid you just can't go wrong with this dude's stuff. speaking of children's books also reminds me of a recent experience at barnes and noble. we went in looking for some more babar books, you know the french elephant king and his royal family who hang out with monkeys and hippos? yeah. anyway we asked if they had any babar and the chick said "oh you mean ba-BAR?" well, yes, that is how they say it in france but we are not in france. anyway B&N of course doesn't carry babar anymore and they literally said "try france." um, you know what? try FUCK OFF beeotch! try AMAZON.

comcast and the state fair

2009-08-18T16:00:00.003-05:00

i don't really have much to say because we have been having major DVR problems lately so i haven't been able to watch TV at all! our power went out for an hour like a week ago and so our replay tv which was our DVR started having problems. so we went to comcast and rented this DVR from this transexual who parted her/his hair on the back of his head and got pissed at me when i asked if there was a start-up fee. (there is not, apparently). anyway we decided that we absolutely cannot deal with the comcast DVR so this weekend we went and bought TIVO. i really don't know what the solution is but i cannot live with the comcast one and was not surprised at all considering how much comcast sucks ass. it has been really frustrating because i see that there are a lot of shows on that i want to watch (i am thinking about trying project runway, for example) but i won't watch live TV so i am sort of screwed. hopefully we can get this situation resolved soon and i can get back to the new episodes of jon & kate which i have been missing. *sigh*

this past weekend we went to what is supposed to be the best pizza place in minneapolis. it's called black sheep pizza and while it was really good, i still just can't get over the fact that i really prefer chicago style to NY. i don't know what it is but i really like deep dish and i don't care if people call it a "casserole" pizza but i think thin pizza is really stupid and so is folding it over! and so is NY for that matter! ok, not really, but NY does suck in a lot of ways. also i really just prefer pepperoni to all other kinds, i think it tastes amazing. sometime i would like to do a pizza tour of chicago like our BBQ tour of kansas city that we did last december. mmm, speaking of food i cannot WAIT to go to the state fair. it's going to be off the hook..! i love all the food and all the animals and rides and crazy stuff. it's such a big deal here in MN but it hasn't really been humid at all this summer so that should help. state fairs are really fun, i have had a lot of fried food and i would say the fried twinkie was one of the best. i really didn't think fried oreos were all that great, or the snickers. i would like to try fried bacon and also fried coke (do they even make that?) sounds good! also i totally dig the air brush t-shirts. we got K a hello kitty air brushed onesie when she was 1 and it was so cute! everyone said it was totally WT but like WTF i think air brushing is funny and cool. fuck it!

ps. i'd like to make a correction to one of my earlier posts. in my post about bad-ass animals i erroneously stated that owls shit out the mice balls. MY BAD they totally puke them up and DO not shit them out. thank you to my husband for pointing that out.

cake boss!

2009-08-12T17:41:00.005-05:00

i have been watching cake boss on TLC and it's totally nuts. it's like a rip of DUFF but like DUFF isn't even good. and the cake boss and his family are in new jersey so all the guys wear gold chains and yell "hey brotha" and "forget about it" and all of this shit. and the girls are totally weird too and like super loud and obnoxious. i would say that his cakes are probably just as good as DUFF's so far and probably taste better, actually.

watching cake boss take place in NJ though really got me thinking about how much some states suck! i was also watching an ad for (i can't remember) either north or south dakota the other day and i was thinking about how hard that must be for their bureau of tourism or whatever to try and think up some shit to put in a commercial. basically the ad just showed some couple dancing and then also watching indians. also there may have been some buffalo featured. it was obviously not the dakota with the mt. rushmore because clearly that would have been featured if it was there. also at the end of the commercial it goes: "north dakota. legendary." that is sad. can you even imagine traveling to north dakota on vacation? no way! i mean it's not like minnesota is a hot commodity here but at least there is plenty of crap to do and also you can get pizza delivered to your ice hut while you fish in the winter if you want! one state i would say that seems like it would really suck but actually doesn't is florida. i worked at WDW (that's walt disney world, doi) for a summer there and FL is actually cool even though it seems psychotic. i mean there are tons of snipers on the freeways but i think miami and key west and even orlando are pretty cool places. i guess i would think that maybe west virginia is probably the worst state. the only thing i ever hear about it is that tons of miners fall down holes and die there. it seems really weird. that would suck ass to fall down a hole, also. so anyway cake boss, i think i will try and watch some more. at least there's not an annoying receptionist who thinks she is a bad ass and has really bad bangs. mary alice, anyone?

IKEA

2009-08-05T15:04:00.005-05:00

i don't know, is it just me or is IKEA completely mental? i have such a love/hate relationship with it. it's like we need some bookshelves and for the love of god i am not spending $500 on a fake wood bookshelf, you know? so it's like there's either west elm, crate and barrel or room & board and we can spend like $5000...or there is IKEA. there is nothing in between! i feel like we always end up back there and i really do hate it. it smells like their .50c hotdogs in there and it's so big and overwhelming. but it's like there is no choice. also their candy sucks ass, i am sorry but i really hate foreign candy.

their instructions are also classic. see, they're too cheap to actually print "words" so they have to just draw pictures that even someone with a 90 IQ can figure out. here are some good instructions for a stool we bought. so...don't put in on top of books. don't paint it. don't throw it into the yard when it's sleeting. don't buy 2 of them and then walk on them. do take a gigantic magnifying glass and burn a hole in the stool. and, for pete's sake, don't lunge off of it our your window! seriously.

i think IKEA is just one of those things where like you can get some decent shit but you just really have to take your time and stuff and that's pretty impossible with a 2 year old. oh, also, i just remembered, we saw siamese twins in IKEA too! i had never seen any before. it was 2 girls with 1 set of legs. i don't even really know what to say about that so i'm just going to stop here.

h1n1 sucks

2009-08-02T14:41:00.004-05:00

i think i had swine flu this week. i had like a bad fever and some stuff and i went to the dr. but apparently so many damn people have it now that they don't do the test anymore (unless you are hospitalized) so there is really no way to know whether or not you have it. anyway they put me on tamiflu which was ok and i am basically fine now but it was weird. i think it's really going around now especially among younger people 20s and 30s. most people just kind of get better on their own and i think the main thing is that you don't want it if you are pregnant but other than that it's really not a big deal. i think the thing in mexico was that no one got treated appropriately and also that it was a much worse strain than this one going around in the U.S. what i had was just like any other flu, really. it's just that the name is so sick...SWINE FLU it just sounds so awful! i guess i should say h1n1. anyway on the upside, if i did have it then i for sure won't get it when it mutates into something worse so that's cool. also i lost 3 lbs. also i thought this was funny: while i had the flu i did manage to eat a fortune cookie which said "keep an eye open for an opportunity in the field of sports." um, ok.

when i was sick i had a lot of time in front of the t.v. and let me just say that there are certainly a lot of weird ass movies on lifetime! holy crap! i watched this one called "judicial indiscretion" about this judge who was a supreme court nominee and she got raped and blackmailed and all this shit. it was totally psychotic. lifetime is so weird! also i finally got around to watching the first episode of OZ which was interesting. i didn't know the newspaper guy from spiderman was in it. it was a little intense but i look forward to seeing more.

in other news happy birthday julz i miss you! also i am really craving KFC for some reason. it's so sick but so good..mmm! gotta gain back those 3 swine flu lbs!

b&b and sarah palin regrets

2009-07-28T16:05:00.004-05:00

not a lot going on here lately, just a couple of things to mention. first, husband and i went to a b&b a few weeks ago (that's bed and breakfast obviously) which was an odd choice considering we are 100% antisocial but it was fun, anyway. it was a nice one and the room did have a huge bathroom and stuff which was cool. the only weird things were that there was no shower, only a bathtub, and that there was no TV and that the curtains were sheer. i really need it dark to sleep in so we had to pile pillows up over the window. also the whole no TV thing was a little troubling. we weren't exactly sure what to do so we went out to buy some magazines because i think reading US weekly in the next best thing to TV. so, anyway, this was odd: when we stopped at a gas station to ask for magazines i asked the clerk if she had magazines and she looked at me and crossed her arms and said "not the kind you're looking for!" like, what the hell did that even mean? so we slowly backed away but i was like WTF do you only have porn--is that what she meant? i think that is what she must have meant and she could tell that i wasn't exactly looking for hustler...whatever!

the other thing i wanted to just mention briefly is that with this whole sarah palin resigning thing, i was thinking that i wish there was a facebook group called "i can't believe i voted for that freak, i knew it was wrong at the time but i did it anyway just because of mccain but now i pretty much regret it and i think she's a total embarrassment" because i would *totally* join it if there was.

lastly i know this is totally off topic (wait, is there even a topic?) but i am totally looking for some colored jeans. i went to the nordstrom anniversary sale and i don't even like sales, i feel like it's just a bunch of crap that no one wants that they are trying to unload, but anyway nordstrom didn't have any (except maybe in their jr. dept) and i am wondering if maybe they have just come and gone as a trend and now i am too late. i dunno? i just remember seeing cameron diaz in some aqua jeans like 3 years ago and i really wanted some but then never got around to getting them. i guess i will live without them but i did want them.

so that's all and 1 last shout out to i bleed pink's dog mango j...xoxoxo i am so sorry you were hurt!

badass animals

2009-07-24T21:26:00.004-05:00

so we were at the brookfield zoo outside of chicago this week and i saw a lot of totally badass animals and it made me think about how many animals there are out there who are super badass. like for example i saw some bats and i was thinking about how freaky it is that they sleep upside down and that some of them eat like 600 mosquitoes an hour. that is super cool especially if you live in minnesota. think how many mosquitoes there would be without bats eating them up? after we left the bat exhibit i overheard a camp counselor telling this scared boy "don't worry, we can go in the bat exhibit, they won't hurt you. they aren't the kid of bats who eat people." um, which bats eat people exactly? anyway bats are super badass. also i think hawks are SUPER cool too, right? they are not only the top predators but the peregrine falcon is the fastest creature on earth and can fly at speeds of up to almost 300 mph. holy shit! they can strike another bird in a plunging dive and knock it unconscious in mid-air with a single blow! then as the victim falls down the hawk will circle back and grab it out of the air with its claws. falcons are so badass! owls are too. they are so cool because they can turn their heads around and also gulp down mice and then shit out mice balls with only the mouse fur and bones left! i disected one at zoo camp once.

one other animal i think is not so much badass as it is just scary and mean is the hippo. there were also some hippos at the zoo and they are scary as shit because not only are they mean but if you piss them off they will get out of the water and run after your ass at speeds of up to 20 mph on land! holy shit do not F with the hippos. or the tigers for that matter. SF zoo called...never taunt a tiger, it's just plain stupid. so anyway in conclusion there are many badass animals i have just cited a few here as examples.

dear LiLo

2009-07-21T07:55:00.003-05:00

dear LiLo, i'm sorry that you used to be a huge movie star and that you were really good and super cute in that parent trap movie (and it didn't hurt that dennis quaid was in it too) and you were even pretty ok in mean girls and some other stuff but now your movies aren't being released in theaters and they're going straight to the ABC family channel so it's like you and sabrina the teen witch are basically equal. so anyway that sucks and maybe you shouldn't have secluded yourself with samatha ronson and all of that crap and turned into an anorexic freak. sorry. xo, lizard

ronald and grimace

2009-07-18T15:18:00.003-05:00

so mcdonalds has these teenie beanie babies back again and most of them are pretty gay (and by gay i mean lame, no disrespect to the homo population--prop 8 sucks) but the mcdonald character ones are fairly cool. anyway this morning we went through a mcdonalds drive thru in st. paul for some coffee and we asked;

"hey do you have the ronald or grimace beanie babies?"

and the girl said "no."

so we said "what do you have?"

and she said "we have a frog and a lamb."

so we said "ok, i guess we'll take them."

then we got to the window and my husband asked her if they are getting in more shipments or what and she goes:

"oh we pretty much have all of them already."

um, ok.

so we said "well do you have ronald mcdonald?"

and she goes "who is that one?"

we said "you know, the clown one."

and then she held up the ronald. hello, you work at mcdonalds and you don't know who the fuck ronald mcdonald is? then we asked if she had grimace "the fat purple one" and she held him up, too. nice! don't worry about the fact that we are buying teenie beanie babies at a mcdonalds drive-thru BTW that's totally normal.

blanket, jon gosselin and costco

2009-07-15T19:37:00.003-05:00

there is a lot of stuff going on right now that needs to be discussed!

1. is michael jackson's kid really named "blanket"? what in the world? one of them is named prince michael I and then paris and then the other one is named michael II but they call him "blanket?" i know next 2 nothing about michael jackson so all of this is new to me but it seems really weird. also i heard that the video of his house taken by the investigators before the molestation trial showed that all of his floors were like covered in trash and stuff.

2. OMG on jon gosselin. is he going insane or what? so he has apparently dumped that one girl and now he is with the daughter of the surgeon who did kate's tummy tuck!! OMG. AND he is in talks with christian audigier to do a kids' clothing line!? now, i believe that this audigier person does the ed hardy stuff which is why jon is always wearing it. when i was at the mall of america the other day i saw that they are opening a store there. it said "audigier" on it. wow. i thought kate was worse than jon but now i see that i was totally WRONG!

3. what is up with costco? i went there last night and it was, like, insane. i was sort of pressured into getting a membership there because everyone and their dog is like obsessed with it but i don't really know if i'll save the $50 membership fee in what i buy? it seemed really weird and like i saw the biggest can of tomato paste i have ever seen in my life. also they didn't accept credit cards which i thought was psychotic. one thing i did get though was season 1 and 2 of oz so i really hope i like it or i just wasted a ton of $.

4. i am currently watching season 1 of friday night lights and i would highly recommend it. it's awesome.

ok that's all, just needed to comment on a few things!

hungry hippo shirt

2009-07-12T15:38:00.003-05:00

honestly, i think this shirt is really cool. and don't ask me why my images are always blurry. i don't know. i'll try to work on it.

short rant on TSA

2009-07-10T20:43:00.007-05:00

TSA, you suck. you are like the worst. seriously i mean how many civil rights violations must we all endure just because of 9/11? i remember when K was like 3 months old and i was told to remove her robeez before she went thru the metal detector. a 3 month old's shoes, seriously? does she look like a shoe bomber? i mean what is the IQ requirement to work for TSA, like 90 right? what is funny is that i think security is actually worse now. i hate having to walk thru holding my ticket and then the next week there is a new rule and you don't. why can't i bring a goddamn bottle of water on a plane anyway? but yet i can slip thru with play-doh no problem. and the best thing is that if you aren't nice to them, they will highlight your ticket and then search all of your shit! i hate TSA. and seriously i swear to god when we were at the SF airport i heard one of the TSA people ask "are you going to minndeanapolis?" minndeanapolis?

you take the good you take the bad...

2009-07-08T19:30:00.005-05:00

so today i got my first "wow, you look a lot like nicole kidman" comment in a long long time. i used to get it more before i gained 40 pounds with the baby. i mean, it's not like i got it all the time or anything, but from time to time. of course, i also got the "you look like jo from that facts of life" sometimes too, but to those people i said "go fuck yourself." and really i think it was more like jo's personality that they were talking about anyway. not that i like motorcycles or anything, but i really don't look like nancy mckeon for god's sake, i mean come on. damn, it reminds me that i still need to lose like 10 more pounds. anyway, i would post a picture but i really need to be able to say whatever the hell i want on here without being discovered.

in other news, am i the only person on earth who doesn't give a fuck that michael jackson is dead? and what the hell is up with taxpayer $$ going to cover all of this shit anyway? 20 years ago called, it wants its celebrity back. i mean he was cool when he was doing thriller and i was in third grade but like now isn't he just a freak pedophile? seriously? who gives a shit? i flipped on the tv for 1 second and i saw john mayer and i almost vomited. what the hell does john mayer know about michael jackson anyway? bye!

vacation recap

2009-07-06T16:45:00.004-05:00

we were in S.F. last week and had a good time. some of the highlights included:

1. at my husband's family reunion when his 87 year old grandmother said she wanted to "slap everyone in the family in the face."

2. going to the pez museum in burlingame, ca and exposing the owner of the museum as a liar in front of everyone. he said that ebay started as a way for the founder's girlfriend to trade pez which has been proven to be false (see below).

"The frequently repeated story that eBay was founded to help Omidyar's fiancée trade Pez Candy dispensers was fabricated by a public relations manager in 1997 to interest the media. This was revealed in Adam Cohen's 2002 book, The Perfect Store,and confirmed by eBay."

we felt bad until i bought $50 worth of pez at the end of the tour.

3. hearing that our friend sometimes babysits a kid who will only order "footlong cheese sandwiches" from subway. WTF?

4. when we were discussing billy mays and my husband's father said "the only person more annoying was that crocodile hunter who died." WTH like who has a problem with steve irwin?

5. eating in-n-out twice in one week. sweet!

6. finally getting my aviators at nordstrom!

7. scoring an alcatraz psycho ward "outpatient" t-shirt for $4 which may have been a rip.

8. the best was coming home to find plants growing on our roof. time to clean the fucking rain gutters, anyone?

the end!

role models and abercrombie

2009-07-01T16:42:00.005-05:00

i recently spotted an abercrombie shirt and was reminded of my interview there. in college i always wanted to work at the gap but there was no gap in the college town where i am from. so anyway eventually a big ass mall moved in. not a good mall..i think cinnamonster was possibly the best thing there. but there was a gap and i was stoked. so i put in an application there but just in case i also put one in at abercrombie. i was 21 so i shopped there sometimes and i thought, oh what the hell. so they held the interview at a coffee shop and it was a group interview, mind you. i showed up early of course and i was pretty much totally weirded out by the other losers there but i went ahead and sat through it. so at one point, the "interviewer" (which by the way what a loser to be a manager at abercrombie but that's beside the point) goes "so, if you all could only ever see 2 bands (living or dead) in concert who would they be?" um, an appropriate interview question, right? so i was like "what the hell are you talking about?" but anyway we went around the circle and i said something to the effect of "the beatles and elvis" and they all looked at me like i was an alien and then the girl next to me goes *wait for it* she says "DAVE MATTHEWS." ... "TWICE." no shit. right there i almost died at the idiocy of what i had witnessed. and, luckily i got the job at the gap and i worked there for a year and it was a lot of fun and i learned how to fold jeans, thank god because i did NOT get the job at abercrombie. no ants marching for me.

oh yes and also i wanted to point out that the movie role models is surprisingly not that bad and i like paul rudd a lot.

kids crooked houses

2009-06-25T15:33:00.005-05:00

OK i finally caught jon & kate but what i really want to discuss are these kids crooked houses. HOLY CRAP they are cool! i looked them up and for the "deluxe" which i think is what they all got they are $2549.00 and i am sure that doesn't include delivery and installation. it says on the site that they can be shipped to your door for $239-$499 but it says that you (unless you are jon & kate) put them together. HMM, they are cool but that's a little bit much for a playhouse.

so anyway about the long anticipated episode..well, yes it was depressing. i thought it was also weird. it seems like jon is really splitting with kate because she is just such a beotch but it also seems like he has really let this fester for a long time and now is just sort of saying a big F.U. to her and everyone. why did he wait this long to address the problem? and it also blows my mind that they have gone through SO MUCH together and now when the kids are 5 they are splitting. i mean, how stressful to have 6 2-year-olds and they made it through all of that only to split now. and the girl jon is with now is just heinous and have you seen her brother BTW? OMG i think he is seriously mentally retarded. he was the one who came out and said jon was having sex with his sister and he was in the next room. YUCK he is so gross. what is with people in PA anyway? do they all look like that!? and do they talk like jon & kate? UGH!

so i don't know if the show is coming back or what. i got the impression that it was not but then someone said that on the TODAY show they said it was just on hiatus and coming back later. i guess we'll just have to wait and see.

i am really just waiting for the return of GLEE on FOX...please come back soon, you are amazing!

jon & kate and the bachlorette of course

2009-06-23T16:45:00.004-05:00

OK so last night i was deciding between jon & kate and the bachelorette which were on at the same time (central time zone) and i was having a really hard time deciding which one to watch. our DVR is super old so if it's recording one show we can't watch another show on another network (so lame, i know). anyway i hate both shows, of course, but i have watched jillian ever since she was rejected by jason and i felt like i should probably watch her just because jon & kate would be replayed a million times.

ANYWAY just when both shows were about to come on our power went OUT. i could not believe it, i almost died! seriously i guess too many people probably had on their air conditioners or something because it's like 93 degrees in minneapolis. so we called the power company and they said the power would be back by 11:19 P.M. what!? i actually considered going to a hotel not just for the t.v. but because we needed air too. so, anyway, we just sat out back on our screened in porch (screen= to keep bugs out for those of you not familiar) sweating our assess off while the rest of the world enjoyed jon & kate face off last night. i can't believe i missed it. i hope i will catch it in reruns and i am trying to keep up with the footage because it's on the news..sounds to me like jon dumped her? i can't tell for sure though. anwyay...i did catch the end of the bachelorette which was stupid as usual. i do have to say that i really like whoever is dressing jillian, though. she has great boots and vests! also i have really been enjoying the contestant "wes" who is apparently on the show to promote his country music band. like, did he not get the memo? hello, no one watches ABC much less the bachelorette and further no one in the WORLD is going to buy/download your album just because you're on some dumb reality show. so i'm sorry this post is so boring, i can't believe i don't get an opportunity to rant about jon & kate.

one last thing of interest, though, i was watching HGTV's $250,000 challenge hosted by drew lachey the other day and the winning contestant said "i was literally blown away." i think that one of my favorite things in life is the misuse of the word "literally." i love it. "there are literally skeletons in my closet." really? literally?

Heidi Pratt: Al Roker Attacked Me!

2009-06-15T12:36:00.003-05:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

al roker kicks ass! i was so happy to see this clip.

star trek and the hangover

2009-06-14T14:26:00.009-05:00

so my mom babysat and we went to 2 movies this weekend which is like a record for us. we saw star trek and the hangover which were both good!

i'm not a star trek fan or anything but i thought the movie was pretty good and chris pine was good despite the fact that he is supposedly dating audrina from the hills (yuck!). i thought leonard nemoy was sort of too old to be in it for so long but that is my only real complaint. i wonder if they offered anything to william shatner or he just couldn't keep his shit together long enough to get a role in it? also i enjoyed uhura who i recognized as the star of one of the best movies ever: drumline. last thing, we were late when we bought the ticket so i asked the seller "are we going to get a seat?" and he said "we have sold 10% of the seats so if you can't find a seat then you have issues." i thought that was a pretty good response.

the hangover was funny. i like todd phillips and i probably like old school the best of his movies. the fat guy with the baby was really good in the movie especially when he cut his hand on the roof and also when he said he had found a baby before at the coffee bean. i miss the coffee bean. they only have caribou and starbucks here in minneapolis. also i liked it when he said to be careful with his pouch because he had skittles in it. the bitch in the movie (girlfriend of andy from the office in the movie) is a favorite of mine and i saw her live with the groundlings in L.A. she is awesome and also in RENO 911 lots. i used to like RENO 911 a lot and not just because Jones lived in my old apartment complex.

so that was it, nothing exciting. i must mention one more thing though. no matter what you do or what anyone says ever, do not under any circumstances watch the movie atonement. seriously, we got it on netflix and it is like the worst P.O.S. ever. first kiera knightly is totally fat..no wait, just kidding. she probably weighs 5 lbs. but anyway she sucks and the whole movie is like ridiculously bad and disturbing and so so not worth watching. stick with the hangover and star trek!

lauren conrad etc.

2009-06-09T15:55:00.006-05:00

so lauren conrad is coming to the mall of america rotunda to promote a book of some sort, i cannot imagine what the hell it is about. apparently it is called "l.a. candy." i wonder who really wrote it? anyway she better get on tour STAT and milk her status for as much as possible, i guess. speaking of which, i have been watching jon and kate and it's getting pretty good. last week he skipped her birthday to go skiing. also he skied with a kid who had C.P. for approximately 4 minutes. talk about cross-promotion, for kate's birthday TLC arranged for her to go to see DUFF and get a cake. hmm. i always think duff's cakes look weird and i am suspicious that they taste like crap. i mean they are basically all styrofoam and fondant, right? i would way rather have a cake that tastes good. also duff seems to think he is quite the badass for some reason. why? also i thought they were moving to LA and now it seems they are still in baltimore? whatever.

RHOC SPAWN

2009-05-29T16:30:00.001-05:00

i know the real housewives of OC hasn't been on for a while, but i do miss it and was thinking about a pretty serious question. who is worse, the real housewives of season 4 or their spawn?

first there is jeana. she is sort of like the original housewife i guess. jeana is not as bad as some of the others. i almost felt sorry for her because her husband has had like 5 DUIs. anyway, her spawn are colton, shane and kara. colton is obviously an idiot and so is kara despite the fact that they pretend like she is smart for some reason. shane is the real winner here, though. correct me if i am wrong, but i believe shane said something to the effect that he was going to literally kill his mom when she and vicki showed up at his 'minor' league baseball game. shane also had some thing with Jo in one of the early seasons.."to catch a predator," anyone? verdict: shane is worse than his mom.

ok then we have vicki who is like the worst person ever and just a bitch to everyone basically. (incidentally, what is that she is carrying in the picture? a mini-laptop?) her spawn are the nurse girl who wants to go into the army and the boy who she visited at college in colorado and acted like he didn't know who she was. i am pretty sure that i remember the boy saying "i will sell insurance too if it can get me a yacht" but then he went on the insurance cruise and proceeded to do nothing. he is lazy and an alcoholic for sure. hmm, he is pretty bad. verdict: vicki is even worse.

tamara is a freak. i'm not going to get into her little kids but what i will say is that her son who wanted to be a cop and then now is a bartender is pretty gross. he is the one who always fights with simon. also i believe he is gay. he got a tattoo on his lip, right? it said "nugget" i believe. *nods head* right, that is -totally- normal. anyway i would say that it's a tie. tamara and her spawn are equally f'd up (not including the little kids, i am not going to bag on them).

i saved the best for last. the new character, lynne. OMG her spawn raquel is THE WORST. seriously, the worst person on the show of any season. at lynne's cocktail party jeanna asked her what she likes or what she wants to do or something to that effect and wasn't her answer "i don't like anything" ? *slap* she needs a reality check in a major way. she is like the dumbest of them all and also the laziest. she does like to get trashed at bowling alleys, though. i am so disgusted by her and her new car!! yuck! verdict: raquel is the worst person on the planet!!!

911 calls again

2009-05-29T14:29:00.002-05:00

ALOHA, Ore. – An Oregon man spent Memorial Day in jail after dialing 911 to complain that a McDonald's worker was rude and didn't give him an orange juice he ordered. Raibin Osman was accused of improper use of the emergency telephone number.

wondering if it might be possible to get lethal injections going for people make 911 calls relating to mcdonalds? just a thought.

multiple "blessings"

2009-05-26T16:09:00.003-05:00

ok so i know i was finished with jon and kate but now it's actually interesting (i.e. not taking alexis to the alligator farm) so i did watch the premiere. first of all, what is the hell is going on with jon? he looked to me to be extremely sunburned. he had not shaved and then his hair was all gelled up and he sounded like he was on some kind of drug like maybe a sedative. he said "my mom always said life's about choices." you know what jon? *slap* it is, and you chose to be on this stupid show. also why so vague about your "mistakes" ?? they both keep sidestepping the issues and it just makes everything more complicated than it needs to be.

anyway, then kate was there of course being separately interviewed sporting the "reverse mullet" and the boob job. she was whining about the media attention. then they had another damn party for the freak kids, this time it was a bouncy party. kate was complaining because jon was MIA and she says "you still have to do it up because you never get their fifth birthday back again." since when do kids need a mega party anyway? our K turned 2 in march and she had some sugar cookies and we gave her a few toys and called it a day, for the love of god. also we did not put her hair in braids and bows, freaks!

i don't know, i really don't feel sorry for either of them they are both just so damn ridiculous. i read somewhere that kate is such a drill sergeant that if you go in their house the only way you know they live there is because there are 10 sets of shoes lined up (because no one can wear shoes in kate's house). i mean with 5 year olds you would expect toys and stuff lying around but NO not with her. i swear to god kate thinks she is victoria beckham now. she is always with her bodyguard. hello, you were an nurse for 10 minutes and you are from shitsville PA? (sorry PA). note to kate: get a grip. you brought all of this on yourself and screwed your kids in the process. what were you thinking?? you're almost as bad as tamara from RHOC. almost.

ps. i enjoyed the ads for the duggars. now the show is called 18 and counting. does that mean she is pregnant again? and how many times can they talk about how many __fill in the blank__ does the family eat/need/whatever. they have 1,450 teeth combined! GREAT, who cares?

woman calls 911 over ______

2009-05-22T15:48:00.004-05:00

SERIOUSLY, seriously if i have to read one more goddamn story on yahoo news about some idiot calling 911 over __fill in the blank with stupid problem__ like mcdonalds being out of mcnuggets i am going to shoot myself. what in the HELL are these people thinking? here's what the florida woman said who called about the mcnuggets: "This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one," police quoted her as saying. "This is an emergency." GRANTED who the HELL wants to eat a mcdouble and what even is that? is that a double cheeseburger? and furthermore mcdonalds nuggets HAVE come a long way. they are no longer gray. i would definitely take the nuggets over the "mcdouble." STILL, do not call 911!

further, there was yet another story about a woman not getting enough shrimp in her fried rice in texas. JESUS people. i love what the cook had to say: Cook June Lee says nothing was wrong with the meal, and that "some customers are happy. Some are not." YOU GOT THAT RIGHT! *snaps finger in customer's face*

then there was the dad who called about the son's messy room. i think the real problem here is that the son was 28 and living in the parent's basement. how embarrassing for the son to have the AP pick up the story and broadcast that he still lives at home. not to mention his dad is insane for calling 911. what's next? kim kardashian calls 911 over ass not fitting into pants? anyway people please stop calling 911, i really don't want to read about your cold hamburgers or whatever anymore.

best picture of the year 2008

2009-05-22T12:50:00.004-05:00

OK so what was the best picture of the year for 2008? we recently rented MILK and FROST/NIXON and i can't decide.

i saw SLUMDOG in the theater like a year after it came out. i would say it was ok. what i like about it is that all those kids are now back living in slums again and their parents are trying to sell them. that's fantastic. i was thinking slumdog might be 2008's "life is beautiful" remember roberto benigni? the total freak who walked on everyone's heads at the oscars? he had like 1 hit and then followed it up with pinocchio (ouch!) anyway we will see if any of those slumdog people do anything else. remember how everyone said all those blair witch people were going to be famous? right.

anyway benjamin button isn't even worth mentioning. i saw it in the theater and i swear to god it was like 4 hours long. also i really could have done without him transforming into a baby and dying at the end. jesus! so that leaves "the reader" whatever the hell that is? and then it's back to FROST/NIXON and MILK. MILK was good. i think i love emile hirsch. and even though sean penn is such an a-hole, he did a good job. but i watched FROST/NIXON last night and it was good too. frank langella was awesome. seriously, he is good. except i think it's totally weird that he used to date whoopi goldberg--WTH is up with that? i thought the guy playing FROST was weird and annoying in the commercials and i wouldn't like him, but he turned out to be ok actually. also oliver platt is in it and he is hilarious. SO basically all in all i would say DARK NIGHT was the best movie of 2008. maybe.

biscuit

2009-05-09T07:55:00.004-05:00

product review: fur real friends "Biscuit" my lovin' pup. ok so K got this robot dog for xmas. she was like 20 months at the time and did not give a crap about the dog. now she is 2 though, and she actually likes this robot! the dog is weird, it has a collar with a bunch of commands like "sit up and beg" on it. you are supposed to yell the commands and then the dog reacts accordingly. sometimes when the dog gets up on both hind legs it falls over on its face. also K likes to stick the bone it its mouth which makes it top heavy so it falls over. one other weird thing, the batteries are inserted into its groin with a screwdriver. right. i will say that K genuinely likes this thing and calls it "BIQUIT" and says to "turn BIQUIT ON." whatever, it's a LOT easier than having a real dog and it won't crap on your floors so i would give it an A-. one other thing though, i noticed that they are also selling a "fur real" newborn chimp. um, hello.

blogging

2009-04-29T16:08:00.004-05:00

goodbye jon and kate

2009-04-27T16:28:00.004-05:00

i have come to the point where i can no longer watch jon & kate + 8. keep in mind, i will basically watch anything. it's just that after putting in a couple of years with the goslings, they have gotten too boring even for me. i came to this decision recently when i saw that there was an episode devoted to kate making soup. you know, i tolerated it when jon flew to LA to get hairplugs, i watched when cara and mady went to the american girl doll store on their birthday and i even watched when they all flew to hawaii to renew their vows, but kate making soup? come, on. it's so freaking boring i just can't stand to watch them bitch at each other anymore and watch their misbehaved kids who they think are so cute. note to kate: FYI mady is mental, joel is gay, and you have the absolute worst haircut i have ever seen. also quit talking about how you have been so blessed. god didn't do anything, it was fertility treatments you complete moron. and jon, do you have a job? so, anyway goodbye jon and kate, i think it's best we go our separate ways.

i'm a "celebrity" get me out of here

2009-04-26T19:43:00.004-05:00

so there is this new nbc show called "i'm a celebrity...get me out of here." it's like sanjaya from american idol and speidi and all these fake ass celebrities like stephen baldwin and they are going to dump them in costa rica. rod blagojevich was going to do it but then the federal judge in IL was like "no, um, you are facing life in prison and you can't leave the country." i think the premise is that the celebs do challenges and whatever and 1 will win and gets to give some $$ to a charity.

so we rented this movie a while back called the "condemned." it was REALLY weird. like, beyond weird. it was starring a pro wrestler "stone cold" whatever and basically it was all of the baddest ass death row inmates from all over the world and they were sent to this island and they all had to kill eachother and the winner would get off death row. it was broadcast live via the "internet" and people had to pay to see it.

so, that is what i propose for this new show. i think that instead of doing challenges they should just all fight to the death and then the winner gets to live. i think that would be WAY more interesting. i also think vicki from R.H.O.C. should be on it. oh, and also the guy from shamwow! who just got arrested for having a violent confrontation with a prostitute in south beach. i would definitely put my $$ on him.

man pretending to fall off bridge actually falls

2009-04-24T08:03:00.002-05:00

BLOOMINGTON, Minn. – Police said a 23-year-old man is in stable condition after he pretended that he was falling off a bridge over the Minnesota River, then actually fell off the bridge. Police got a call just before 5 a.m. Sunday from a 21-year-old man who said his friend fell off the Highway 77 bridge and into a marshy area about 30 feet below.

The caller said he was driving north when his friend, who he said had been drinking, told him to pull into the bridge's emergency lane so he could urinate.

The 23-year-old stood eventually climbed to the ledge of the bridge, then looked at his friend and pretended to fall. "He then in fact fell," reads a press release from the Bloomingt0n Police Department.

Police from Bloomington and Eagan responded, and the Eagan Fire Department used a chair lift to retrieve the man. He was transported to Hennepin County Medical Center where was treated.

mother of the year and the celebrity apprentice

2009-04-21T13:28:00.010-05:00

i just got K a mcdonalds electronic cash register set. she was screaming "nuggets!" and pushing the fries button about a billion times. "Fries fries fries fries." i'm not sure whether or not this is a good toy. maybe when she is 30 and 300 lbs. she can blame me. or maybe it means she will just work at mcdonalds.

so anyway, about the celebrity apprentice. here's the rundown: basically donald trump is his usual jackass self. then there's joan and melissa rivers. i think the biggest surprise to me is that melissa rivers isn't the complete train wreck that i imagined she would be! she's not -that- bad. joan rivers is cool but she is so old and she makes a lot of noise when she walks because she wears a thousand pounds of jewelry which she designs for QVC. then there was some golfer who i don't know who got fired.

also, there was brian mcknight. i don't know any of his songs or anything. he is fine but he got fired. clint black is a total freak. who even listens to him? i don't even know anything he sings. there is a total beeeotch poker player annie something who is terrible. dennis rodman was also awful and he got fired. i couldn't understand him when he spoke. i'm not sure he can speak english. he seemed like really dumb and lazy. not sure how he got 3 championships? also khloe kardashian was on it. talk about stretching the word "celebrity." her sister is barely even a celebrity. lastly there is jesse james who is the best one. i hope he wins, he seems really cool. i think the show will probably go off the air soon.

my fake fiance

2009-04-19T19:27:00.010-05:00

there is a new abc family original movie called "my fake fiance" starring sabrina and joey lawrence. WTH is going on? i actually watched that one with tom arnold and candice cameron a while back just because tom arnold is from iowa. it was bad. i wasn't sure if he was her dad or they were supposed to be dating. anyway, can you even imagine working on the set of "my fake finance" ?? i didn't know joey lawrence still acted. i actually saw a commercial for it and then i got a banner ad for it on yahoo mail. i am their target audience? and they acutally have an advertising budget? i have lots of questions.

mamma mia

2009-04-17T13:18:00.004-05:00

so my mom and i are going to NYC in june for a long weekend and staying at the roosevelt hotel. i talked to their concierge about going to a show and she strongly recommended mamma mia. i was like "isn't that like the worst movie ever made?" she said the show is *much* better than the movie. still. so we got tickets for phantom. i hope it's good. i really wanted to see dirty dancing but that's only playing in boston. then, there's the little mermaid but like who wants to waste broadway on that? i hope NYC is fun. i sort of hate NY but i think it's fun to visit.

library

2009-04-16T13:26:00.006-05:00

so i went to the library for the first time in like 10 years.
holy cow, they have so much cool stuff, i had no idea. i just constantly order stuff off of amazon and i'm sick of it so i decided to check it out. i got K some videos and they have so many children's books. they also have this thing where you can check out passes to local museums and even the zoo! i was amazed. i also couldn't believe that you can check out a 100 items at a time. i asked the librarian how anyone could keep track of 100 items? she said "either very well or very poorly." so, anyway, if you live somewhere normal** you should totally check out your local library!

**normal meaning not santa monica. public buildings in santa monica tend to smell a lot like the L.A. county coroner's office.

phil spector: guilty!

2009-04-14T20:58:00.002-05:00

yes, phil spector got convicted! thank god! he is so ridiculous!!

more duggars and kristen stewart

2009-04-13T12:15:00.004-05:00

ok so it was on the news today that those idiot duggar kids who got married are now going to have a kid. that means the duggars are having a grandkid. it's a lot like sarah palin where the kid trygg or however the F you spell it is the same age as the grandkid. wow. they say "we're leaving it up to god as to how many children we will have." you know what? i'm sorry but it's called birth control. did anyone see the movie idiocracy btw? it's fabulous, seriously. you wouldn't think so, but it's great. check it out, it totally explains the duggars. in other news, they are filming the new twilight. um, is it just me or did kristen stewart royally suck in the first one? i mean, she was terrible. they really should have replaced her. at least they did a good job with edward and jacob though. whatever, i will still see it. i only read the first 2 books but they were good. when we were looking for houses in minneapolis we looked at one on "lake edward" and i totally wanted to buy it. it even had that vacuum system in the house where it sucks all the crap out and you do nothing.

play "system"

2009-04-11T15:03:00.003-05:00

so we got a rainbow play system. it is the same brand that sasha and malia got. (why do i keep talking about sasha and malia btw?) anyway, holy crap, they are expensive! better start saving now if you want one. also don't call it a swing set, it's a "play system." it's awesome.

the j.crew red card

2009-04-08T20:54:00.006-05:00

the j.crew red card offers 25% everything in store in april. don't be afraid to call them about it. i didn't get mine so i called to complain and they were *totally* nice and sent me one. also i told them that i don't want the credit card, and it has nothing to do with that. i went and bought the danielle leather flat sandals and got them for 25% off in stores + 25% off from the card. GOOD DEAL! go get the red card!!

pet peeves

2009-04-08T13:19:00.008-05:00

1. email sent from my "iphone."
2. octomom: shut up!
3. mark geragos. chris brown, plead guilty you complete jackass.
3. telly monster's obsession with triangles. get over it! your pupils are so small from watching too much tv!

enough about michelle obama's clothes

2009-04-07T15:02:00.008-05:00

for the love of god, enough about michelle obama's clothes already. she wears j.crew, fine, whatever. j.crew is amazing but it's not like she's picking it up at the store..all that stuff sasha and malia wore for the inaguration was like specifically designed for them by j.crew. people are saying m.obama is the next jackie o. please! nothing against m.obama, she is fine, but please let's not get carried away. i'm feeling like she could come out in a barrel at this point and everyone would be like "oh, that looks amazing."

she looks good but what in the hell has she done that would make her a fashion icon? she isn't 98 years old like barbara bush, she doesn't look like laura bush thank god, and she's not ugly like hillary clinton. that's it. let's don't forget that the election night dress she wore was HORRIBLE. so anyway let's not all get carried away. let's give her some time to become a fashion icon.

38 kids and counting

2009-04-04T16:50:00.003-05:00

so what about the duggars? i freaking hate them. has anyone seen this show? seriously, it's the worst, ever. i have seen 2 shows and i just can't watch anymore. i feel like a worse person for having watched, i think part of my soul was sucked away by them.

anyway...i saw the one where they met kirk cameron just because i used to like him. he used to be normal. now he is a douche. apparently in his movie he had this kissing scene or whatever and he had to substitute in his wife in the scene because he can't kiss anyone who is not his wife. WTF.

also i saw "a very duggar wedding" where their oldest son gets married. the girl he marries reminds me a lot of a barnyard animal. she looks like a donkey. all the duggars kind of remind me of barnyard animals. i bet they have IQs of under 95, for sure. the dad makes his money from renting land to cell phone companies for their towers. what?

why is TLC putting this crap on the air? i actually like matt roloff..but TLC seriously needs to take the duggars off the air immediately. it's not cool to have 18 kids..really, it's mentally ill.