i'm on break..so get off my back

so instead of just abandoning this blog i am writing to let all of you know (uh my 3 or so loyal readers) that i'm going to take a break. I AM pregnant ok so get off my back! i am just too damn tired to write anything. i am not one of those people who enjoys being pregnant...um, what's enjoyable about a bowling ball in your stomach exactly? yeah, i'm not sure. i pretty much hate everything about it except the occasional dr. visits where i can actually see the baby. so anyway i have enough problems right now without feeling like i need to constantly rip ramona (what the hell is up with RHONYC btw, OMG!). hopefully i will pick back up again, i just can't deal right now and i think it's a pretty good excuse. god, being pregnant does suck!! i especially love gaining and losing 40 lbs. and then doing it all over again, that's great. at least this will be the last time, i SWEAR!! how i envy you who have already had all your babies! it's not even the "having the baby" part that is so bad, it's just the 9 or so months prior--! oh, and i will go ahead and NOT have photos taken of my belly by the way.

in other news i have NOT been watching kate gosselin on dancing with the stars, i really just couldn't possibly stomach that right now. i am sure she looks like an idiot. i did catch the "pregnancy pact" on rerun on lifetime tho and i thought it was pretty good. well, that's all i have for now..smell u later. not forever, hopefully. xo.

the housewives and flags

i'm sorry i haven't written anything lately, i have just been so tired! i have been able to watch plenty of reality TV tho, and i must say that the premiere of RHNY and finale of RHOC did not disappoint. anyway check out these flags, they are amazing. i'm a big fan of the pumpkin wearing a firefighter hat, too. i like how they are $25, too not including shipping. anyway RHOC went out with a bang thanks to alexa or alexis or whatever the F lynn's daughter's name is. she is definitely amazing. also i enjoyed tamra getting a divorce and moving into a condo. lastly, RHNY was amazing, they are so psychotic! i do like bethenny tho. i hate the countess, she is so annoying. also i was glad that the skinny one (alex?) who is married to the gay guy wasn't on it as much because she is super boring. anyway i am so excited it's getting a little warmer outside, thank the lord! it's getting up into the 40s here this week and soon to be 50s, i can't wait for the snow to melt. so that's about it!

competency

hey why is kim kardashian in the news everyday?

anyway a while back i watched 'brace for impact' on TLC the sully sullenberger story about the pilot who landed that plane in the hudson 1 year ago in case u have been living under a rock. anyway it was pretty remarkable what he did after all those canadian geese flew into his plane. i think that like 9 out of 10 pilots would have definitely fucked the whole thing up and i was really impressed that he could save 150 people. he is what i would consider to be "highly competent." how many people (from your server at applebees to the customer service person at the 1-800#) do you encounter who are highly competent btw? i would say that most people (probably 6/10) i encounter are "grossly incompetent." maybe 3/10 are adequate and i guess about 1/10 would be competent. it seems like incompetence is really more like the standard with people. hopefully your doctor is competent, and your accountant though.

i did buy the people magazine with the duggars on the cover and was not impressed because it didn't really provide any new info. i like how this new 1 lb. baby has "ignited a firestorm" of controversy tho because they are saying they are still going to keep having babies. um, where was the controversy like 10 kids ago when they were all clearly completely fucked in the head? nothing has changed. i hate them. of course they are going to keep having babies. why wouldn't they? why wouldn't their first kiss be on their wedding day? of course, it all makes sense when u have an IQ of 80.

cake boss again

so i have like every episode of cake boss from this season recorded but i definitely have not been watching them. anyway i saw that he did the cake for the 40th anniversary of sesame street and since sesame street is like such a huge part of my life right now i had to watch. i must say he did a pretty good job, i thought the cake looked a lot better than duff's would have just because the characters were life like and didn't look like duff's generic figures. also i'm sure that S.S. went to cake boss also because he's closer to NYC. the main guy made a huge cookie for cookie monster, too, which was good.

one thing i really enjoyed during cake boss were the ads for the duggars new 1 pound baby's birth, too. i mean, really. fucking stop, you are not a cow. maybe they will finally stop now that 1 of the kids is going to be completely fucked up. i mean this baby was born like WAY way too early, seriously it is going to have some massive problems if it can even survive. what a joke, why did they have to keep going? so they could keep the show "and counting" ?? it's so sick, that baby is so screwed in so many ways.

so what about this new movie dear, john? i'm just not sure because i like the guy and i liked step up. however, that chick was the star of mamma mia so it's like she's not OK at all. also i think her eyes are way too far apart on her head and she looks like a freak.

anyway is that the chick from will and grace dancing in the new "i can't believe it's not butter" ads or what? i can't tell. and why is luke wilson doing cell phone ads? it is sad or OK? no one really cared when catherine zeta jones did t-mobile so maybe it's not a step down, i don't know, it just seems a little weird.

i'm really sorry i missed the pregnancy pact on lifetime.

release the kraken

i think that the new clash of the titans starring the dude from avatar and liam neeson looks really good. i also think liam neeson looks particularly cool in the trailer when he says "release the kraken." i think that's a phrase that i might have to adopt into my everyday vernacular. like, when they leave the sauce on your snack wrap at mcdonalds. "release the kraken."

there are a lot of lines from movies that i use all the time, i think i probably use more phrases from office space than from any other movie though. i like to say "i'm going to go ahead and ___" a lot. i also like to say "what do you DO?" which can refer to a lot of different people. there are a lot of people out there who have jobs where they do nothing. like, people who work at the post office, for example. 1 other phrase i use a lot is from the worst movie ever LXG aka the league of extraordinary gentlemen starring a 90 year old sean connery. there were many many good lines from that movie but i really have adopted the "i'm waiting to be impressed.." and it's useful in a lot of situations.

anyway, speaking of liam neeson, we did watch "taken" on netflix the other day mostly just because everything else in our queue is on a "very long wait." it was actually good, i recommend it! it's about this CIA special agent guy who is retired (liam neeson) and these freaks kidnap his daughter in france. he has to go get her and murder approximately 45 people in the process. my favorite part was when he was on the phone to the kidnapper briefly. he says something like "i don't have any $ and if you release her now i won't pursue you. BUT if you keep her, what i do have is a PARTICULAR SET OF SKILLS AND I WILL HUNT YOUR ASS FOREVER UNTIL I FIND YOU...you will not live etc etc" i don't think a lot of people could pull the role off, maybe denzel and russel crowe. anyway, it was good or at least i thought it was watchable.

ps. 1 last thing i'd like to give a shout out to leo who will be on the haiti telethon tonight on nbc and who has already donated 1 million to help out. he looked amazing in HD at the golden globes presenting to martin scorsese. i can't help but think all the other actors must be jealous since scorsese keeps casting him because he is clearly superior to all others. i think gisele really missed her shot there.

US weekly needs to stop

US weekly really needs to stop pitting toddlers against eachother. i'm so sick of in the "who wore it best" section seeing violet affleck & suri cruise wearing the same juicy cardigan and apparently 57% thought violet wore it best. you know what, that is ridiculous. i've seen it a couple of times before but over half their page this issue is kids and i think it's out of control. let's give them a complex at age 3 about who looks best.

in other news, i'm going to retire the word "gay" from my blog because it's apparently "offensive" so i'm trying to find an appropriate word to describe the new bachelor "on the wings of love." lame is offensive to cripples, right, and "dumb" or "stupid" really just doesn't do it justice. fuck. i do know a good word for the bachelor tho--d-bag, for sure.

so we saw dance flick the other night. i don't really think i need to even say anything about that movie that you already couldn't have guessed.

we are going to elmo live on friday and we have ROW 1 SEAT 1 so that should be a good time.

1 other thing i wanted to mention is that i went to the mall of america last nite and i usually only go there at 10 AM so it was weird to be there at nite but anyway i am sick of the people at the carts who are selling crap like lotion or irons to straighten your hair or hair extensions...yelling at you as you walk by. um, excuse me but i thought this was minnesota not fucking tijuana. WTF is up with those people and why when you say "no thank you" do they feel the need to continue on? i guess they don't know the difference between stupid and smart people so they just treat everyone the same but, like, seriously? i hate those carts. also i prefer the mall in the AM and all the moms with their bugaboos as opposed to the creepy teenagers there at night..ick.

ps. i can't believe what NBC is doing to conan, that's so fucked up.

movies & tv 2

so i know i have been MIA lately, i have just been so lazy i haven't been able to write anything. not that there hasn't been plenty to write about tho. between kate gosselin's new hair extensions and jersey shore, holy crap our country is really going down the tubes.

anyway..i'll start with xmas break. basically i just stuffed my face over xmas which was a huge mistake and saw shitloads of movies. we saw avatar which was really good, and sherlock holmes which was good and up in the air which was ok. i was so pumped to see the new leo trailers tho, especially for shutter island. god, it's going to be so good! and as my husband so astutely pointed out, we'll just wait until it comes out and then watch..all the critics will once again be like "oh, i guess leo can actually act." NO SHIT psychos.

then i was alone on new years because i was at my mom's house but my husband had to go home and actually work for a while. anyway i put my daughter to sleep at like 9 and then ended up flipping between ryan seacrest and jersey shore and thinking what the hell is my life coming to that i am watching jersey shore? like, i don't even understand what the fuck is with these people? they are so gross like i don't even get it? is that what people on the east coast are like or what? i don't even really like NY. and especially NJ. i think the only people i know from NJ are madonna and bon jovi right? ick!

in other news i think i saw the worst movie ever last night. do not see that sandra movie all about steve, ever. seriously, don't ever. the only redeeming quality was ken jeong who is so funny especially in the hangover which we saw in the theater but am patiently waiting for on netflix despite the "very long wait." fuck u netflix!

and now we are in the midst of another season of the bachelor..the largest gathering of whores on the planet, this new bachelor is such a tool. i feel like all the girls leave any remaining dignity they might have in the limo, it's so contrived..they all start talking about being his "co-pilot in life" from day 1. really. and there's always the complete psycho who starts like hyperventilating when they get cut..i love that.

also yesterday i was watching the end of the latest R.H.O.C. and vicki and don were renewing their vows in turks and caicos and my husband walks in and watched and said "vicki seems nice?" holy shit, i almost fell of the couch. all i could say was "she is the devil, you have no freaking clue what you are talking about."

the last thing i'm going to say is that i am starting season 2 of gossip girl and yes, it is actually good. so everyone was right and i was wrong and i admit that. i do the elliptical for 45 minutes everyday so i like to have a show that i can watch 1 episode of and this 1 is definitely good for that. i still think the O.C. was better but that's ok, both are good.

the new karate kid

so they went ahead and remade my favorite movie of all time. this is going to be the shit! in other news i saw avatar and it was good. before avatar there were a lot of previews though and most of the movies looked like they would suck ass. especially that cameron diaz/tom cruise thing. ick! 1 movie that looked sweet though was robin hood starring russell crowe. you know, my brother said that he is "way too old to play robin hood." you know what though? russell crowe literally throws phones in peoples faces. he is super pimp and i think it will be awesome. merry xmas!

RHOC

ok what in the hell is going on with the real housewives of OC? it is completely out of control. did u hear that michelle dugar had a 1 pound baby the other day BTW? she is so f-ed up. anyway about the housewives..there are so many issues..

1. first of all, have you noticed at the beginning of the episode that when vicki says "previously on the real housewives" she literally says "prevously." like, she can't even say the word previously. she leaves out an entire fucking syllable. also, p.s. vicki UR not skinny! stop with the short shorts!

2. tamara needs to stop saying that she keeps her friends close and her enemies closer. she is not even close to gretchen, she doesn't even know what the hell she is saying. i swear to god, each of these chicks has an IQ lower than the next one.

3. slade smiley. um, seriously? he is making pond scum jealous. EW!

4. lynn's husband? OMFG! is he a woman?

5. alexis? please stop saying that you don't travel apart from your husband. u sound like you're in a cult. also how long have you been together..like 20 minutes? 5 years, yeah, i know. that's like not that long tho really. real couples end up apart sometimes, that's life you freak.

6. i kind of like simon. he's a total a-hole i mean obviously but i love how he rips vicki and also tamara's loser son who is going to jail. i don't quite get what the "tequila" business is but i still like him. for a control freak.

bigtime letdowns

1. sarah palin. enough said.

2. the davinci code movie. i couldn't even understand this piece of shit when it came out. all i know is that tom hanks does not look good with long hair.

3. anything by j.d salinger other than the catcher in the rye. has anyone actually read franny and zooey? don't pretend it's good.

4. new year's eve anywhere.

5. final episode of jon & kate--i just saw this the other nite. i like the close up of jon's misspelled sign (see above) set to slow music. gawd, maybe it's better that this show just die.

6. final episode of seinfeld. now i know i'm going old school here but this was like the biggest letdown ever, for being the best show ever that final episode really did suck.

7. borat. seriously? there were like 2 good jokes.

8. doorbusters. they rip u off. for real, there are no 'deals.' it's a bunch of shit that you DO NOT WANT and would not buy but you buy it because it's "half price." i do it too. it's really stupid.

9.madewell's website--you have to CALL to order? what is this, 1994? let me go ahead and get into my toyota "tercel" and "mapquest" a route to your store. oh wait, there isn't 1 in minnesota. hello madewell, join this century. who the hell has shit online that u can't order?

10. this blog. i know, i'm sorry!!

11. closing on a house. it looks like some great thing on HGTV where you sit with your realtor who is a tool and yet it's really lame and you just sit in some office and sign your life away. whatever!

12. diaper "pails" for babies. the shit *literally* still reeks. there is nothing that can mask that odor no matter what is promised! thank god i don't have to deal with that anymore.

more later.

squirrel round-up

i have always been kind of into squirrels (and also owls) but it seems like they are all over the place now so i wanted to showcase some of the cooler ones.


jonathan adler candle holder $88, also in black. was never so into adler when he first started but can't deny that some of his stuff is pretty awesome.




boygirlparty hoodie $35. i have this in the t-shirt. runs really small.




fredflare notebook by sukie $24. i don't have this one but i have other sukie stuff, love it.




fawn&forest floor pillow on sale $88. would die for this!




ferdinand t-shirt $24. husband has the mens in oatmeal.
constantly gets comments on it. i love ferdinand.




chocosho brooch $22. cute.




etsy pouch on sale $5.50. so cheap!




alice&isa watch necklace on sale $33.99. adorable & functional.




shanalogic corporate portrait $12. this is sweet.

go squirrels!

2010 olympic mascots

i die for the 2010 winter olympic mascots. so cute.

movies & tv

hey hope everyone had a good thanksgiving. i did go to toys r us at midnite with a friend on black friday and it was quite an experience. there was a line of about 200 people trying to get in and cars circling the parking lot. i really didn't even buy that much, i was going to think about the ipod touch but they were pretty much gone stat. i thought i was going to get my ass beat a few times if i didn't get out of the way. it was fun to watch everyone.

so i just started re-watching the O.C. and i'd just like to remark on how good it is, again. it's one of those shows like friday night lights where it's just like so much better than all the others out there. and i would say that its first season (similar to LOST's first season) is really one of the best first seasons of any show out there. also i am starting gossip girl, i just watched the pilot and it's ok.

anyway i was reading people magazine and wondering on what planet john krasinski is 1 of the sexiest men alive. what the hell? also regarding johnny depp, i think he is is either like really attractive or looks like he is homeless or maybe both.

also i need to comment that the asian guy ken jeong from community and the hangover (did u know he is a real life doctor btw?) is really funny. i just saw him in the goods which is like the worst movie, ever. but he was really good in it.

so i also saw new moon over the weekend. i didn't think it was that bad. i know it got like a really bad review on rotten tomatoes and i mentioned earlier how much i hate kristen stewart, but i really actually thought it was better than twilight. dakota fanning looks and acts like an idiot in it, though. other than that i thought it was ok. i also didn't think it was that long. i hate long movies and i almost died in benjamin button but the length of new moon didn't bother me that much. in other movie news i am pissed that i hear will smith's son is starring in the remake of the karate kid, my favorite movie ever. whatever!

paul blart

so we went ahead and watched paul blart, mall cop last nite. if u have TIVO it's free to get some really shitty netflix streamed on demand so we figured what the hell. it was weird. i do love kevin james & 4 a really lame sitcom, king of queens isn't bad, but i'm not sure i would really recommend paul blart. i did genuinely laugh sometimes but a lot of times, as my husband pointed out, it seemed like he was doing a john candy impression. i really like malls so it was fun to have an entire movie set in a mall and the redhead psychopath from glee was in it too. i felt like the movie got weirder and weirder by the end though. the mall was taken over by a gang on skateboards doing acrobatics and stuff so that was strange. as my husband also pointed out, it was a lot like a foreign movie that was taking elements of american culture but not quite getting it right. anyway they ended up in the rainforest cafe which was cool because we actually go there in the mall of america. it's like the most overpriced shittiest food but for some reason we continue to go. actually the lettuce wraps aren't that bad but...anyway.

in other news i have been catching up with the real housewives of OC and let me just say what the fuck is wrong with those people? i swear to god they are like the worst. tamara is just heinous and now jeanna is dropping out so they have brought on some new freak who is just as weird as the rest. i used to like gretchen but slade is just gross so i'm on the fence about her. why is slade dating all of the housewives? and did you see his arms? he must work out 24-7. god they are all awful. they make RHNY look good. i mean at least bethenny like has a career and is sort of normal. *sigh*

so anyway happy TURKEY DAY to everyone..don't u hate when people say that?

zombie pirates and stuff

sometimes i feel like in my shopping experiences i just keep re-living that scene in best in show where parker posey and her husband lose their dog's prized "busy bee" toy. u know so they are at the show and like totally need the toy to motivate the dog so one of them frantically goes into some dog store and asks the clerk if he sells the busy bee. the clerk ends up pausing and then bringing out a fish that is black and yellow striped and saying "this is kind of like a bee?" yeah.

so i was in toys-r-us tonight checking out the playmobil pirate sets which are 25% off this week and i really liked some of the zombie pirates but i didn't know if they were 25% off or they were in some other category. so i asked this dude who works there and he just started looking at all of the boxes and paused and said "yeah these pirate sets are 25% off." so i'm like "no, i want to know specifically if the zombies are included or not. take this box up to the front, scan it and come back and tell me because if this zombie is 25% off then all the other pirate zombies are too." so he leaves and comes back and says "yes the purple ones are 25% off too." um, they are GREEN and not purple u idiot but ok that's good news for me anyway. yeah. i mean it's not like expect competence when someone is being paid minimum wage but i do expect an answer to a direct question. it's not like i would yell at mcdonalds when they fuck up the order--it's mcdonalds, that is what they do. but i just don't expect them to try to change the subject or answer a completely different question than the one i asked!

so anyway i have a lot in common with parker posey's character in that movie considering she also reads j.crew magazines constantly. and that's probably not a good thing. also in case u were wondering why i am buying a 2 year old girl zombie pirates it's because they are cool and she's not going to be some priss when she grows up, that's why.

stephanie tanner

one book i am not looking forward to reading is unSweetined by stephanie tanner. although i admit that i have already taught my 2 year old to say "how rude!" i think that stephanie tanner is an idiot and who in the hell would want to read her book about being on crack or whatever. i love how all these people who are fortunate enough to get on these shows and make a crap load then go whine about it later because they blew all their $$ and got addicted 2 drugs. duh!

1 other thing. here's a funny & real conversation:

*watching HGTV*

husband: "why are all these shows on HGTV taped in canada?"
me: "cause it's cheaper in canada."
husband: "why is it cheaper in canada?"
me: "probably because canada sucks."
husband: "you are retarded."

kristen stewart and doll houses

hey so i watched adventureland the other day and it wasn't super good. is it just me or does kristen stewart look like she has about 3 STDs and basically ruined twilight? yeah i would say she is not that great and i'm betting she sucks in new moon. r.pattz is a different story, tho. anyway ryan reynolds was in adventureland at least and he is awesome..i LOVE just friends. that is like the BEST movie. anyway i wanted to say that my daughter has some awesome toys, i really like her doll house check it out.

there are some pets.



chillaxing in the living room with the flat screen.



baby with the mobile and pillow--uh oh, SIDS!



taking a bath with her clothes on. um this chick looks like one of the manson girls.



this house is like nicer than ours.

happy birthday

happy birthday today to my friend amanda. also to leo dicaprio, i love you leo! ur the best actor, ever and i don't give a shit what anyone says! the beach wasn't too hot but ur great and i even saw that russell crowe movie u were in and it wasn't bad and i am really looking forward to that scorcese movie shutter island i am sure it will be great if ur in it. titanic was amazing and you got so screwed on the oscars last year revolutionary road did suck ass but u were good in it and u should have already gotten one for gilbert grape. one other thing i really like about u is how you obviously stuff your face in between roles because i see you at the laker games and you look like ur homeless and fat with a beard but then u totally beef up for your roles and look amazing. so that's cool. happy birthday!

it's always sunny

i would like to talk just for a moment about it's always sunny in philadephia. i just need to comment about it because it's the weirdest show i have ever seen but sometimes i end up crying because i am laughing so hard. it's so gross and offensive and sometimes it's not very good but the highs in it are really freaking high and i think danny devito is a downright comic genuis. it's so beyond weird i can't even really describe it but, like, you should check it out sometime just to see what i am talking about. it's these 2 guys who own a bar in phildelphia and then there's this blonde chick who is really funny named "dee" and this other janitor named charlie who is like border-line retarded. in the one i just watched they set charlie up on an online date and told him to tell the girl he was a "philanthropist" and he couldn't get it right so he ended up saying "i am a full on rapist." she was like um, excuse me? also he says his favorite food is "milksteak." that is the kind of shit they do on the show, like just the weirdest shit and they are all really gross. and charlie always wears this shirt. someone must be watching this other than me because it's in like it's seventh season or something though? anyway just check it out sometime and let me know what u think because it's totally nuts.

more h1n1 and other stuff

hello i have so many things to talk about i'm not really sure where to begin.

let's begin with the fact that K is wearing hello kitty underwear this week--very exciting, i think we are well on our way to being accident-free! what a relief, diapers are such a drag and so expensive.

second i think i ate my weight in halloween candy--yuck! i have such an addiction to sugar it's scary. i have been reading bethenny's book from R.H.N.Y. about being naturally thin. she talks a lot about the way everyone in europe is thin and about how different the mentality is there. i mean, they don't diet and they don't eat diet food but they just eat reasonable portions of good food. were it that easy. what if 1 candy corn isn't enough, what if it's either 100 or 0? that's my problem. it must be 0. i'm really glad that i hate all thanksgiving food though, at least that's not going 2b an issue.

third, in the spirit of furniture shopping, what is the consensus on the eames lounge chair? ridiculously overpriced or amazingly comfortable investment which doubles as art? i'm thinking it's more like the latter. and FYI to all my DC readers (that's you LL) room & board is coming to DC!

lastly i know this is offensive or whatever but i just need to vent for a minute on the anti-vaccine crowd. it's really coming to a head here with the h1n1 vaccine backlash and i talked to 1 mom yesterday who said she didn't want to get her daughter vaccinated because of the mercury. seriously, folks? the equivalent of a tuna fish sandwich is preventing u from sparing your daughter from h1n1? also i talked to another person who swears that there is a video on utube of a person getting a regular flu shot and then only being able to walk backwards afterward. ok, like i can't even deal with all of this nonsense anymore.

still enjoying community btw, it's really freakin good!