US weekly needs to stop

US weekly really needs to stop pitting toddlers against eachother. i'm so sick of in the "who wore it best" section seeing violet affleck & suri cruise wearing the same juicy cardigan and apparently 57% thought violet wore it best. you know what, that is ridiculous. i've seen it a couple of times before but over half their page this issue is kids and i think it's out of control. let's give them a complex at age 3 about who looks best.

in other news, i'm going to retire the word "gay" from my blog because it's apparently "offensive" so i'm trying to find an appropriate word to describe the new bachelor "on the wings of love." lame is offensive to cripples, right, and "dumb" or "stupid" really just doesn't do it justice. fuck. i do know a good word for the bachelor tho--d-bag, for sure.

so we saw dance flick the other night. i don't really think i need to even say anything about that movie that you already couldn't have guessed.

we are going to elmo live on friday and we have ROW 1 SEAT 1 so that should be a good time.

1 other thing i wanted to mention is that i went to the mall of america last nite and i usually only go there at 10 AM so it was weird to be there at nite but anyway i am sick of the people at the carts who are selling crap like lotion or irons to straighten your hair or hair extensions...yelling at you as you walk by. um, excuse me but i thought this was minnesota not fucking tijuana. WTF is up with those people and why when you say "no thank you" do they feel the need to continue on? i guess they don't know the difference between stupid and smart people so they just treat everyone the same but, like, seriously? i hate those carts. also i prefer the mall in the AM and all the moms with their bugaboos as opposed to the creepy teenagers there at night..ick.

ps. i can't believe what NBC is doing to conan, that's so fucked up.

movies & tv 2

so i know i have been MIA lately, i have just been so lazy i haven't been able to write anything. not that there hasn't been plenty to write about tho. between kate gosselin's new hair extensions and jersey shore, holy crap our country is really going down the tubes.

anyway..i'll start with xmas break. basically i just stuffed my face over xmas which was a huge mistake and saw shitloads of movies. we saw avatar which was really good, and sherlock holmes which was good and up in the air which was ok. i was so pumped to see the new leo trailers tho, especially for shutter island. god, it's going to be so good! and as my husband so astutely pointed out, we'll just wait until it comes out and then watch..all the critics will once again be like "oh, i guess leo can actually act." NO SHIT psychos.

then i was alone on new years because i was at my mom's house but my husband had to go home and actually work for a while. anyway i put my daughter to sleep at like 9 and then ended up flipping between ryan seacrest and jersey shore and thinking what the hell is my life coming to that i am watching jersey shore? like, i don't even understand what the fuck is with these people? they are so gross like i don't even get it? is that what people on the east coast are like or what? i don't even really like NY. and especially NJ. i think the only people i know from NJ are madonna and bon jovi right? ick!

in other news i think i saw the worst movie ever last night. do not see that sandra movie all about steve, ever. seriously, don't ever. the only redeeming quality was ken jeong who is so funny especially in the hangover which we saw in the theater but am patiently waiting for on netflix despite the "very long wait." fuck u netflix!

and now we are in the midst of another season of the bachelor..the largest gathering of whores on the planet, this new bachelor is such a tool. i feel like all the girls leave any remaining dignity they might have in the limo, it's so contrived..they all start talking about being his "co-pilot in life" from day 1. really. and there's always the complete psycho who starts like hyperventilating when they get cut..i love that.

also yesterday i was watching the end of the latest R.H.O.C. and vicki and don were renewing their vows in turks and caicos and my husband walks in and watched and said "vicki seems nice?" holy shit, i almost fell of the couch. all i could say was "she is the devil, you have no freaking clue what you are talking about."

the last thing i'm going to say is that i am starting season 2 of gossip girl and yes, it is actually good. so everyone was right and i was wrong and i admit that. i do the elliptical for 45 minutes everyday so i like to have a show that i can watch 1 episode of and this 1 is definitely good for that. i still think the O.C. was better but that's ok, both are good.

the new karate kid

so they went ahead and remade my favorite movie of all time. this is going to be the shit! in other news i saw avatar and it was good. before avatar there were a lot of previews though and most of the movies looked like they would suck ass. especially that cameron diaz/tom cruise thing. ick! 1 movie that looked sweet though was robin hood starring russell crowe. you know, my brother said that he is "way too old to play robin hood." you know what though? russell crowe literally throws phones in peoples faces. he is super pimp and i think it will be awesome. merry xmas!

RHOC

ok what in the hell is going on with the real housewives of OC? it is completely out of control. did u hear that michelle dugar had a 1 pound baby the other day BTW? she is so f-ed up. anyway about the housewives..there are so many issues..

1. first of all, have you noticed at the beginning of the episode that when vicki says "previously on the real housewives" she literally says "prevously." like, she can't even say the word previously. she leaves out an entire fucking syllable. also, p.s. vicki UR not skinny! stop with the short shorts!

2. tamara needs to stop saying that she keeps her friends close and her enemies closer. she is not even close to gretchen, she doesn't even know what the hell she is saying. i swear to god, each of these chicks has an IQ lower than the next one.

3. slade smiley. um, seriously? he is making pond scum jealous. EW!

4. lynn's husband? OMFG! is he a woman?

5. alexis? please stop saying that you don't travel apart from your husband. u sound like you're in a cult. also how long have you been together..like 20 minutes? 5 years, yeah, i know. that's like not that long tho really. real couples end up apart sometimes, that's life you freak.

6. i kind of like simon. he's a total a-hole i mean obviously but i love how he rips vicki and also tamara's loser son who is going to jail. i don't quite get what the "tequila" business is but i still like him. for a control freak.

bigtime letdowns

1. sarah palin. enough said.

2. the davinci code movie. i couldn't even understand this piece of shit when it came out. all i know is that tom hanks does not look good with long hair.

3. anything by j.d salinger other than the catcher in the rye. has anyone actually read franny and zooey? don't pretend it's good.

4. new year's eve anywhere.

5. final episode of jon & kate--i just saw this the other nite. i like the close up of jon's misspelled sign (see above) set to slow music. gawd, maybe it's better that this show just die.

6. final episode of seinfeld. now i know i'm going old school here but this was like the biggest letdown ever, for being the best show ever that final episode really did suck.

7. borat. seriously? there were like 2 good jokes.

8. doorbusters. they rip u off. for real, there are no 'deals.' it's a bunch of shit that you DO NOT WANT and would not buy but you buy it because it's "half price." i do it too. it's really stupid.

9.madewell's website--you have to CALL to order? what is this, 1994? let me go ahead and get into my toyota "tercel" and "mapquest" a route to your store. oh wait, there isn't 1 in minnesota. hello madewell, join this century. who the hell has shit online that u can't order?

10. this blog. i know, i'm sorry!!

11. closing on a house. it looks like some great thing on HGTV where you sit with your realtor who is a tool and yet it's really lame and you just sit in some office and sign your life away. whatever!

12. diaper "pails" for babies. the shit *literally* still reeks. there is nothing that can mask that odor no matter what is promised! thank god i don't have to deal with that anymore.

more later.