Sunday, August 30, 2009

reese's puffs

reese's puffs are *amazing* but totally look like dog food! (click on the picture to get a really good look). but really what of reese's isn't good? i believe reese's pieces are the best candy ever. and not just because of E.T! i also like the reese's puffs jingle, "eat 'em up eat 'em up." also check out my klip-it cereal containers. they are sweet because they keep your cereal fresh and safe from any unwanted visitors like bugs. not that you have tons of bugs in your house because that's sick, but you know what i mean.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

why i'm going to hell..

not to be a playa hater, but was the flag at perkins really half mast for teddy kennedy? i realize he did a lot of shit in the senate especially with health care and that he was in there for a million years, but when i interned in D.C. 1996 i swear he looked like a corpse then, it is crazy he has lasted this long, really with the amount he ate and drank. it's cool that he supported obama when not a lot of people were and i do get that his brothers were awesome. however, that said, i mean he was the screw up of the family and he basically was handed a senate seat. so, we are all congratulating him for not completely fucking up his seat, i guess. also he did kill that chick in the river, too, so that's great. i know, i know, he redeemed himself. still.

in the spirit of being completely offensive, i also have to talk for just a bit about the chick that was just found after 18 years. apparently she was kidnapped at age 11 and she has just emerged now 18 years later after being held in this freak's backyard. ok, that majorly sucks. i get it. i just have to put this out there though: how the fuck do you not escape after 18 years? literally people escaped from alcatraz in less time. and, that's an island. i mean i realize that this dude was probably focusing on her 24-7 but surely he must have had to go buy groceries or something. i mean how do you not get the fuck out of there at some point? seriously? jump the fence, steal a cell phone. come on. i realize she was 11 which is really young and there's that whole stockholm syndrome thing, but i just wonder.

i know, i'm totally going to hell. especially because i saw this old lady pull into the handicap spot at target today and i didn't see a sticker or anything on her car so i was like "WTF? why RU parking there?" and then later i saw her in target and she was wearing braces on her legs. yeah, i guess she did deserve that spot after all. shit!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

HGTV and halloween

we did get our TIVO up and running so life is back to normal thank god now i can finally watch the rachel zoe project. also one show i have been majorly checking out is real estate intervention on HGTV and it's totally good. i'm probably a lot more interested in it because we recently bought a house, but i think it's totally hilarious. basically it's this total mack real estate agent who comes in and tells these d-bags "hey you moron, your house is worth a lot less than it's listed for." no shit, the economy sucks. people are so freaking stupid, i can't even believe some of the shit that they say! i think people are totally delusional when it comes to selling their home. we bought our house in march and paid $40K under the original asking price. i mean, seriously, it's the economy folks. people think because they paid a certain amount tor they put $$ into it then that's what they should get and their house sits on the market for 9 months and they don't know why. anyway, i like the star of the show and i like the show.

one other thing i wanted to mention is how excited i am for halloween. not the winter which follows halloween, but just the fall. i love the decorations and activities and food and everything about the fall and about halloween. too bad 1/2 the country will have swine flu at that point (holy shit, did you see what the CDC is predicting?). i'm glad i already had that shit! or, at least i think i did. and hopefully everyone can get it together and get those vaccinations out STAT! otherwise it looks like it's going to majorly suck ass for everyone! i think K will go as raggedy ann again this year. i'm pretty sure the costume will fit and i don't give a shit if she was already that last year because it's a cool costume.

so the renaissance festival is also here and going strong in MN. i would like to go and make fun of them but it's like i think it would actually be fun and i bet they have some good food and also couldn't they just be like: "um, you're here." it would be hard to make fun of it if you actually paid admission, right? i think i might wait and go next year. seems like my 2 year old would be a little young for it still. anyway, that's about all for now!

ps. 1 more thing i forgot. i was flipping thru channels last week and i saw the end of a hallmark movie which starred alicia silverstone and she was sick and dying and she had a son or something. in one way i felt sorry for her because she used to be so cute and such a star and i really think clueless was 1 of the most amazing movies ever and look at her, now she is doing hallmark movies! but on the other hand i guess i don't feel sorry for her because it's like she's still getting work so that's better than tons of other actors, right? so good for her! kind of.

Friday, August 21, 2009


so i've been reading a bunch of books lately. a while back i read:

tim gunn's guide to style and it was really good and helpful which is partly why i thought i might check out project runway.

recently i also read how not to die by dr. g who is apparently like this big medical examiner on a discovery health show which i have never seen. i would say that her book was good and i would like to check out the show. she talks a lot about the people she has autopsied and about how some of the stuff was totally preventable and about how you can do little things to prevent accidents.

right now i just started pride and prejudice and zombies and also the scarecrow which is michael connelly's latest. i have read almost every michael connelly book so i hope this one will be good. he is actually coming to a bookstore in st. paul in a few months and i am thinking about checking it out. the zombie book is also good so far but i think you probably have to be a person who is pretty familiar with pride and prejudice (i am) in order to think it's funny. 1 thing i thought was cool on the book jacket was that the author was described as "having taken an english class in L.A. once" or something like that. i see that there is also a new one coming out about sense and sensibility and sea monsters or something. maybe this whole concept is getting a little bit carried away.

lastly i just picked up the girl with the dragon tattoo at barnes and noble because it was a huge bestseller and the new one just came out so i thought i should try the original first and see if it's good. i have high hopes.

finally i don't know if anyone even gives a shit or what but i'd just like to point out that other than goodnight, moon, i really think some of the best children's books out there are the kevin henkes ones. the dude is really a complete mack and i would say that if you are ever looking for a present for a kid you just can't go wrong with this dude's stuff. speaking of children's books also reminds me of a recent experience at barnes and noble. we went in looking for some more babar books, you know the french elephant king and his royal family who hang out with monkeys and hippos? yeah. anyway we asked if they had any babar and the chick said "oh you mean ba-BAR?" well, yes, that is how they say it in france but we are not in france. anyway B&N of course doesn't carry babar anymore and they literally said "try france." um, you know what? try FUCK OFF beeotch! try AMAZON.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

comcast and the state fair

i don't really have much to say because we have been having major DVR problems lately so i haven't been able to watch TV at all! our power went out for an hour like a week ago and so our replay tv which was our DVR started having problems. so we went to comcast and rented this DVR from this transexual who parted her/his hair on the back of his head and got pissed at me when i asked if there was a start-up fee. (there is not, apparently). anyway we decided that we absolutely cannot deal with the comcast DVR so this weekend we went and bought TIVO. i really don't know what the solution is but i cannot live with the comcast one and was not surprised at all considering how much comcast sucks ass. it has been really frustrating because i see that there are a lot of shows on that i want to watch (i am thinking about trying project runway, for example) but i won't watch live TV so i am sort of screwed. hopefully we can get this situation resolved soon and i can get back to the new episodes of jon & kate which i have been missing. *sigh*

this past weekend we went to what is supposed to be the best pizza place in minneapolis. it's called black sheep pizza and while it was really good, i still just can't get over the fact that i really prefer chicago style to NY. i don't know what it is but i really like deep dish and i don't care if people call it a "casserole" pizza but i think thin pizza is really stupid and so is folding it over! and so is NY for that matter! ok, not really, but NY does suck in a lot of ways. also i really just prefer pepperoni to all other kinds, i think it tastes amazing. sometime i would like to do a pizza tour of chicago like our BBQ tour of kansas city that we did last december. mmm, speaking of food i cannot WAIT to go to the state fair. it's going to be off the hook..! i love all the food and all the animals and rides and crazy stuff. it's such a big deal here in MN but it hasn't really been humid at all this summer so that should help. state fairs are really fun, i have had a lot of fried food and i would say the fried twinkie was one of the best. i really didn't think fried oreos were all that great, or the snickers. i would like to try fried bacon and also fried coke (do they even make that?) sounds good! also i totally dig the air brush t-shirts. we got K a hello kitty air brushed onesie when she was 1 and it was so cute! everyone said it was totally WT but like WTF i think air brushing is funny and cool. fuck it!

ps. i'd like to make a correction to one of my earlier posts. in my post about bad-ass animals i erroneously stated that owls shit out the mice balls. MY BAD they totally puke them up and DO not shit them out. thank you to my husband for pointing that out.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

cake boss!

i have been watching cake boss on TLC and it's totally nuts. it's like a rip of DUFF but like DUFF isn't even good. and the cake boss and his family are in new jersey so all the guys wear gold chains and yell "hey brotha" and "forget about it" and all of this shit. and the girls are totally weird too and like super loud and obnoxious. i would say that his cakes are probably just as good as DUFF's so far and probably taste better, actually.

watching cake boss take place in NJ though really got me thinking about how much some states suck! i was also watching an ad for (i can't remember) either north or south dakota the other day and i was thinking about how hard that must be for their bureau of tourism or whatever to try and think up some shit to put in a commercial. basically the ad just showed some couple dancing and then also watching indians. also there may have been some buffalo featured. it was obviously not the dakota with the mt. rushmore because clearly that would have been featured if it was there. also at the end of the commercial it goes: "north dakota. legendary." that is sad. can you even imagine traveling to north dakota on vacation? no way! i mean it's not like minnesota is a hot commodity here but at least there is plenty of crap to do and also you can get pizza delivered to your ice hut while you fish in the winter if you want! one state i would say that seems like it would really suck but actually doesn't is florida. i worked at WDW (that's walt disney world, doi) for a summer there and FL is actually cool even though it seems psychotic. i mean there are tons of snipers on the freeways but i think miami and key west and even orlando are pretty cool places. i guess i would think that maybe west virginia is probably the worst state. the only thing i ever hear about it is that tons of miners fall down holes and die there. it seems really weird. that would suck ass to fall down a hole, also. so anyway cake boss, i think i will try and watch some more. at least there's not an annoying receptionist who thinks she is a bad ass and has really bad bangs. mary alice, anyone?

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


i don't know, is it just me or is IKEA completely mental? i have such a love/hate relationship with it. it's like we need some bookshelves and for the love of god i am not spending $500 on a fake wood bookshelf, you know? so it's like there's either west elm, crate and barrel or room & board and we can spend like $5000...or there is IKEA. there is nothing in between! i feel like we always end up back there and i really do hate it. it smells like their .50c hotdogs in there and it's so big and overwhelming. but it's like there is no choice. also their candy sucks ass, i am sorry but i really hate foreign candy.

their instructions are also classic. see, they're too cheap to actually print "words" so they have to just draw pictures that even someone with a 90 IQ can figure out. here are some good instructions for a stool we bought. so...don't put in on top of books. don't paint it. don't throw it into the yard when it's sleeting. don't buy 2 of them and then walk on them. do take a gigantic magnifying glass and burn a hole in the stool. and, for pete's sake, don't lunge off of it our your window! seriously.

i think IKEA is just one of those things where like you can get some decent shit but you just really have to take your time and stuff and that's pretty impossible with a 2 year old. oh, also, i just remembered, we saw siamese twins in IKEA too! i had never seen any before. it was 2 girls with 1 set of legs. i don't even really know what to say about that so i'm just going to stop here.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

h1n1 sucks

i think i had swine flu this week. i had like a bad fever and some stuff and i went to the dr. but apparently so many damn people have it now that they don't do the test anymore (unless you are hospitalized) so there is really no way to know whether or not you have it. anyway they put me on tamiflu which was ok and i am basically fine now but it was weird. i think it's really going around now especially among younger people 20s and 30s. most people just kind of get better on their own and i think the main thing is that you don't want it if you are pregnant but other than that it's really not a big deal. i think the thing in mexico was that no one got treated appropriately and also that it was a much worse strain than this one going around in the U.S. what i had was just like any other flu, really. it's just that the name is so sick...SWINE FLU it just sounds so awful! i guess i should say h1n1. anyway on the upside, if i did have it then i for sure won't get it when it mutates into something worse so that's cool. also i lost 3 lbs. also i thought this was funny: while i had the flu i did manage to eat a fortune cookie which said "keep an eye open for an opportunity in the field of sports." um, ok.

when i was sick i had a lot of time in front of the t.v. and let me just say that there are certainly a lot of weird ass movies on lifetime! holy crap! i watched this one called "judicial indiscretion" about this judge who was a supreme court nominee and she got raped and blackmailed and all this shit. it was totally psychotic. lifetime is so weird! also i finally got around to watching the first episode of OZ which was interesting. i didn't know the newspaper guy from spiderman was in it. it was a little intense but i look forward to seeing more.

in other news happy birthday julz i miss you! also i am really craving KFC for some reason. it's so sick but so good..mmm! gotta gain back those 3 swine flu lbs!