Tuesday, July 28, 2009

b&b and sarah palin regrets

not a lot going on here lately, just a couple of things to mention. first, husband and i went to a b&b a few weeks ago (that's bed and breakfast obviously) which was an odd choice considering we are 100% antisocial but it was fun, anyway. it was a nice one and the room did have a huge bathroom and stuff which was cool. the only weird things were that there was no shower, only a bathtub, and that there was no TV and that the curtains were sheer. i really need it dark to sleep in so we had to pile pillows up over the window. also the whole no TV thing was a little troubling. we weren't exactly sure what to do so we went out to buy some magazines because i think reading US weekly in the next best thing to TV. so, anyway, this was odd: when we stopped at a gas station to ask for magazines i asked the clerk if she had magazines and she looked at me and crossed her arms and said "not the kind you're looking for!" like, what the hell did that even mean? so we slowly backed away but i was like WTF do you only have porn--is that what she meant? i think that is what she must have meant and she could tell that i wasn't exactly looking for hustler...whatever!

the other thing i wanted to just mention briefly is that with this whole sarah palin resigning thing, i was thinking that i wish there was a facebook group called "i can't believe i voted for that freak, i knew it was wrong at the time but i did it anyway just because of mccain but now i pretty much regret it and i think she's a total embarrassment" because i would *totally* join it if there was.

lastly i know this is totally off topic (wait, is there even a topic?) but i am totally looking for some colored jeans. i went to the nordstrom anniversary sale and i don't even like sales, i feel like it's just a bunch of crap that no one wants that they are trying to unload, but anyway nordstrom didn't have any (except maybe in their jr. dept) and i am wondering if maybe they have just come and gone as a trend and now i am too late. i dunno? i just remember seeing cameron diaz in some aqua jeans like 3 years ago and i really wanted some but then never got around to getting them. i guess i will live without them but i did want them.

so that's all and 1 last shout out to i bleed pink's dog mango j...xoxoxo i am so sorry you were hurt!

Friday, July 24, 2009

badass animals

so we were at the brookfield zoo outside of chicago this week and i saw a lot of totally badass animals and it made me think about how many animals there are out there who are super badass. like for example i saw some bats and i was thinking about how freaky it is that they sleep upside down and that some of them eat like 600 mosquitoes an hour. that is super cool especially if you live in minnesota. think how many mosquitoes there would be without bats eating them up? after we left the bat exhibit i overheard a camp counselor telling this scared boy "don't worry, we can go in the bat exhibit, they won't hurt you. they aren't the kid of bats who eat people." um, which bats eat people exactly? anyway bats are super badass. also i think hawks are SUPER cool too, right? they are not only the top predators but the peregrine falcon is the fastest creature on earth and can fly at speeds of up to almost 300 mph. holy shit! they can strike another bird in a plunging dive and knock it unconscious in mid-air with a single blow! then as the victim falls down the hawk will circle back and grab it out of the air with its claws. falcons are so badass! owls are too. they are so cool because they can turn their heads around and also gulp down mice and then shit out mice balls with only the mouse fur and bones left! i disected one at zoo camp once.

one other animal i think is not so much badass as it is just scary and mean is the hippo. there were also some hippos at the zoo and they are scary as shit because not only are they mean but if you piss them off they will get out of the water and run after your ass at speeds of up to 20 mph on land! holy shit do not F with the hippos. or the tigers for that matter. SF zoo called...never taunt a tiger, it's just plain stupid. so anyway in conclusion there are many badass animals i have just cited a few here as examples.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

dear LiLo

dear LiLo, i'm sorry that you used to be a huge movie star and that you were really good and super cute in that parent trap movie (and it didn't hurt that dennis quaid was in it too) and you were even pretty ok in mean girls and some other stuff but now your movies aren't being released in theaters and they're going straight to the ABC family channel so it's like you and sabrina the teen witch are basically equal. so anyway that sucks and maybe you shouldn't have secluded yourself with samatha ronson and all of that crap and turned into an anorexic freak. sorry. xo, lizard

Saturday, July 18, 2009

ronald and grimace

so mcdonalds has these teenie beanie babies back again and most of them are pretty gay (and by gay i mean lame, no disrespect to the homo population--prop 8 sucks) but the mcdonald character ones are fairly cool. anyway this morning we went through a mcdonalds drive thru in st. paul for some coffee and we asked;

"hey do you have the ronald or grimace beanie babies?"

and the girl said "no."

so we said "what do you have?"

and she said "we have a frog and a lamb."

so we said "ok, i guess we'll take them."

then we got to the window and my husband asked her if they are getting in more shipments or what and she goes:

"oh we pretty much have all of them already."

um, ok.

so we said "well do you have ronald mcdonald?"

and she goes "who is that one?"

we said "you know, the clown one."

and then she held up the ronald. hello, you work at mcdonalds and you don't know who the fuck ronald mcdonald is? then we asked if she had grimace "the fat purple one" and she held him up, too. nice! don't worry about the fact that we are buying teenie beanie babies at a mcdonalds drive-thru BTW that's totally normal.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

blanket, jon gosselin and costco

there is a lot of stuff going on right now that needs to be discussed!

1. is michael jackson's kid really named "blanket"? what in the world? one of them is named prince michael I and then paris and then the other one is named michael II but they call him "blanket?" i know next 2 nothing about michael jackson so all of this is new to me but it seems really weird. also i heard that the video of his house taken by the investigators before the molestation trial showed that all of his floors were like covered in trash and stuff.

2. OMG on jon gosselin. is he going insane or what? so he has apparently dumped that one girl and now he is with the daughter of the surgeon who did kate's tummy tuck!! OMG. AND he is in talks with christian audigier to do a kids' clothing line!? now, i believe that this audigier person does the ed hardy stuff which is why jon is always wearing it. when i was at the mall of america the other day i saw that they are opening a store there. it said "audigier" on it. wow. i thought kate was worse than jon but now i see that i was totally WRONG!

3. what is up with costco? i went there last night and it was, like, insane. i was sort of pressured into getting a membership there because everyone and their dog is like obsessed with it but i don't really know if i'll save the $50 membership fee in what i buy? it seemed really weird and like i saw the biggest can of tomato paste i have ever seen in my life. also they didn't accept credit cards which i thought was psychotic. one thing i did get though was season 1 and 2 of oz so i really hope i like it or i just wasted a ton of $.

4. i am currently watching season 1 of friday night lights and i would highly recommend it. it's awesome.

ok that's all, just needed to comment on a few things!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

hungry hippo shirt

honestly, i think this shirt is really cool. and don't ask me why my images are always blurry. i don't know. i'll try to work on it.

Friday, July 10, 2009

short rant on TSA

TSA, you suck. you are like the worst. seriously i mean how many civil rights violations must we all endure just because of 9/11? i remember when K was like 3 months old and i was told to remove her robeez before she went thru the metal detector. a 3 month old's shoes, seriously? does she look like a shoe bomber? i mean what is the IQ requirement to work for TSA, like 90 right? what is funny is that i think security is actually worse now. i hate having to walk thru holding my ticket and then the next week there is a new rule and you don't. why can't i bring a goddamn bottle of water on a plane anyway? but yet i can slip thru with play-doh no problem. and the best thing is that if you aren't nice to them, they will highlight your ticket and then search all of your shit! i hate TSA. and seriously i swear to god when we were at the SF airport i heard one of the TSA people ask "are you going to minndeanapolis?" minndeanapolis?

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

you take the good you take the bad...

so today i got my first "wow, you look a lot like nicole kidman" comment in a long long time. i used to get it more before i gained 40 pounds with the baby. i mean, it's not like i got it all the time or anything, but from time to time. of course, i also got the "you look like jo from that facts of life" sometimes too, but to those people i said "go fuck yourself." and really i think it was more like jo's personality that they were talking about anyway. not that i like motorcycles or anything, but i really don't look like nancy mckeon for god's sake, i mean come on. damn, it reminds me that i still need to lose like 10 more pounds. anyway, i would post a picture but i really need to be able to say whatever the hell i want on here without being discovered.

in other news, am i the only person on earth who doesn't give a fuck that michael jackson is dead? and what the hell is up with taxpayer $$ going to cover all of this shit anyway? 20 years ago called, it wants its celebrity back. i mean he was cool when he was doing thriller and i was in third grade but like now isn't he just a freak pedophile? seriously? who gives a shit? i flipped on the tv for 1 second and i saw john mayer and i almost vomited. what the hell does john mayer know about michael jackson anyway? bye!

Monday, July 6, 2009

vacation recap

we were in S.F. last week and had a good time. some of the highlights included:

1. at my husband's family reunion when his 87 year old grandmother said she wanted to "slap everyone in the family in the face."

2. going to the pez museum in burlingame, ca and exposing the owner of the museum as a liar in front of everyone. he said that ebay started as a way for the founder's girlfriend to trade pez which has been proven to be false (see below).

"The frequently repeated story that eBay was founded to help Omidyar's fiancée trade Pez Candy dispensers was fabricated by a public relations manager in 1997 to interest the media. This was revealed in Adam Cohen's 2002 book, The Perfect Store,and confirmed by eBay."

we felt bad until i bought $50 worth of pez at the end of the tour.

3. hearing that our friend sometimes babysits a kid who will only order "footlong cheese sandwiches" from subway. WTF?

4. when we were discussing billy mays and my husband's father said "the only person more annoying was that crocodile hunter who died." WTH like who has a problem with steve irwin?

5. eating in-n-out twice in one week. sweet!

6. finally getting my aviators at nordstrom!

7. scoring an alcatraz psycho ward "outpatient" t-shirt for $4 which may have been a rip.

8. the best was coming home to find plants growing on our roof. time to clean the fucking rain gutters, anyone?

the end!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

role models and abercrombie

i recently spotted an abercrombie shirt and was reminded of my interview there. in college i always wanted to work at the gap but there was no gap in the college town where i am from. so anyway eventually a big ass mall moved in. not a good mall..i think cinnamonster was possibly the best thing there. but there was a gap and i was stoked. so i put in an application there but just in case i also put one in at abercrombie. i was 21 so i shopped there sometimes and i thought, oh what the hell. so they held the interview at a coffee shop and it was a group interview, mind you. i showed up early of course and i was pretty much totally weirded out by the other losers there but i went ahead and sat through it. so at one point, the "interviewer" (which by the way what a loser to be a manager at abercrombie but that's beside the point) goes "so, if you all could only ever see 2 bands (living or dead) in concert who would they be?" um, an appropriate interview question, right? so i was like "what the hell are you talking about?" but anyway we went around the circle and i said something to the effect of "the beatles and elvis" and they all looked at me like i was an alien and then the girl next to me goes *wait for it* she says "DAVE MATTHEWS." ... "TWICE." no shit. right there i almost died at the idiocy of what i had witnessed. and, luckily i got the job at the gap and i worked there for a year and it was a lot of fun and i learned how to fold jeans, thank god because i did NOT get the job at abercrombie. no ants marching for me.

oh yes and also i wanted to point out that the movie role models is surprisingly not that bad and i like paul rudd a lot.